Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Tales from the Barracks Part 2, NSFCW (Not Safe for Clan Wars…) By David McCallum# 701548

“MAC! MY OFFICE! NOW!” blared the base tannoy system. Then as an afterthought, “Kev, get yourself in here too…”

The pair in question were in the pilot’s ready room, data slates spread out across the couches and surrounding floor. They had been combing through vids of practice battles sent through by Dave Linton, new C.O. of the Light Brigade. They were shots of his pilots during the previous Clan War and the footage showed a lot of promise.

Mac stared up at the loudspeaker with a puzzled frown on his face, then glanced over at Kev. The returning look managed to convey disapproval and accusation in equal measure.

Mac looked genuinely injured as he threw his hands out palms upwards. “What?” he exclaimed. “I haven’t done anything!” and then added in more truthful tones, “at least not that I can think of…”

Kev said nothing, his mouth screwed up into a hard line as he stood and led the way out into the corridor and along to Jay Dubya’s office. He knocked then held open the old fashioned hinged door, allowing Mac to enter ahead of him.

The C.O. glanced up, gestured to a seat and swiveled his desk monitor around so that it could be viewed from all angles.

“Kev, you’re here purely as a corroborating witness to this process,” he stated. Then directly to Mac, “Fuller wants a full explanation.”

He actuated the play icon on the hard light keyboard and the screen sprang to life. It was pretty cruddy video, taken from what looked like a high up vantage point in a shower block.

Audio kicked in, and running water and a hiss of steam could be heard alongside what sounded like off-key humming, sometimes breaking into a snippet of lyrics. As the picture cleared, or rather the steam thinned out some to get a better view, a solitary figure could be seen taking a shower.

Thankfully the person in question was vigorously soaping themselves and a decent amount of strategic foam was valiantly defending them from even more acute embarrassment because there was an awful lot of pallid white flesh on view, the obvious result of too much time stuck in a cockpit and away from healthy sunlight. The worst part however was the fact that even while showering, this particular figure was still wearing its trademark cowboy hat.

Jay Dubya had seen the vid before and managed to keep his face mostly neutral with a slight amount of distaste. Kev’s face was screwed up in a silent ‘eww’. Even Mac had to let off a small grimace.

On screen, the lone figure, oblivious to the world in general and it’s hidden audience in particular, broke into full throated song.

“You put your left foot in…” and the figures left foot came forward, heel to the slippery floor tiles.

“You brings yer left foot out…” and the left leg came back to cross just behind the right one.

“Ya swing yer left foot in an’ ya kicks him in the ‘nads…”. This time the left foot came forward, held in the air and wiggling around from the ankle.

“You do the hokey pokey as you smack him in the head…” By now the figure was turning in a circle, it’s tucked in arms flapping like a demented fowl. Unfortunately the rear view brought what could only be described as a binary system into the spectator’s sight, and Kev had to cover his eyes.

“And that’s how you do the ‘Protection from Eric Dance’!” Unfortunately the final lyrics were forced very haphazardly into the tune which detracted somewhat from the performance. Even more unfortunately, the singer finished his repertoire by bouncing up and down on his heels and clapping wildly with his palms together like an excited school-girl.

Most unfortunate of all was the fact that the valiant piece of foam that had done such sterling work finally chose that moment to give up on its impossible task and dripped to the floor, leaving Colonel Toenjes on screen in all his… glory.

The picture froze and thankfully for all concerned Jay Dubya had the presence of mind to clear it from the screen before he did anything else. Glaring at Mac, he said simply, “OK, Talk.”

Mac paused and made a show of considering the request. “Well, as an audition tape for Mecha Galaxy’s Got Talent it leaves a lot to be desired. He may get some of the sympathy vote but I doubt he’ll make the final ten.”

Jay Dubya exploded. On his feet, knuckles pressing on the desk as he lent forward towards the pilot in front of him, he let out a tirade.

“Can the horseshit Mac! Fuller wants full disclosure and an apology, which is a damn sight better than Toenjes who wants you shot! This little gem,” he gestured at the darkened screen, “was uploaded to all BBB channels and the Exiles personal net! Fuller spent all morning fielding irate comm calls. Silverhawk and Guhswa went ballistic. Mainer was so fracking livid that his girls saw it that he couldn’t even make the call himself! He had to get Jessica to make it for him, which was even worse because she apparently spent half the call giggling! Zeon got hold of a copy somehow and uploaded it to the web where it’s gone viral with over a squillion hits! And now the hacks from A.N.N. want to do a full in depth article while the Galaxy Gathering muppets want him for their next calendar!” He was panting by the end of it.

Mac rubbed the end of his nose and crossed his legs, brushing some imaginary lint of his coveralls in the process. “That’s the first time I’ve seen it boss,” he said neutrally.

“Bull!” his C.O. shot back.

Mac shrugged, and indicated the screen. “When was it recorded?”

“Huh? Last night, our time according to the Colonel,” Dubya responded, perplexed at the relevance of the question.

Mac’s face pulled into a slight smile. “So a rest day during Clan War,” he stated. “So you already know it wasn’t me… and so does every member of the Heroes.”

Jay Dubya opened his mouth to speak again, but Mac raised a hand to forestall him.

“T minus 2 days, beat the comms nets and rustle up your honor guard. T minus one day, search the web for pre-war sales and hassle the suppliers for their best deals. Strip and tune your mechs, check your load-outs and make sure the new kit is synching properly. Shake out your formations and do you final test runs against your clan mates. Come out faster, meaner and a damn site more dangerous than you were last time. Fight a day, rest a day, fight a day, get more guards.” He dropped his hand. “Boss, for eleven days of the month, the toys get put away in the cupboard and you get a consummate professional. It’s the same basic drill you taught us both over a year ago,” he said gesturing to Kev who nodded in agreement. “I don’t deviate from it, never have. It’s probably the one reason why you guys put up with my ‘horseshit’ for the rest of the month.”

“He’s right boss,” put in Kev. “I’ve even seen him cut all comms links and set up auto-sentry guns around his hanger to make sure he doesn’t get disturbed. Even the General commented on how he’d come out with a vengeance that time. If the General calmed down and thought about it for a minute, he’d know it wasn’t Mac,” then added as a truthful afterthought, “this time…” and glanced over at Mac apologetically.

Jay Dubya considered what had been said for a moment, then relaxed and sat down. He sighed, “Yeah, I believe you. Just for the record, I take it you’ve got something a bit more concrete I can show Fuller?”

“Not that you should need it,” commented Mac pointedly, “but that sounds around the time I was taking practice runs against Kev and Skoob, so you’ll have the cockpit telemetry.”

“Yeah, I’ll pull it up if I need it,” Jay Dubya shook his head, not looking forward to the call-back to their Clan Chieftain that had to be made, then added hopefully, “there’s nothing else at all you can add to what I can tell him?”

Mac chuckled. “What, you mean you’d like me to give you an ‘expert opinion’?” he said, fingers making quotation signs. Then he was all business. “Sure. Your culprit is a technically adept amateur, not a grifter.”

The others looked at him questioningly before he continued. “A grifter’s motive is first and foremost profit. If it doesn’t make a profit, or safeguard against loss, or at least give you a better placement to do either of those two in the future, it’s not worth the effort. Take that stunt with Fuller’s coffee last week. I at least pointed out to you that by carrying out that scam at the correct time you could turn an advantage and possibly lead to us netting a better prize pack, yes?”

They nodded at the recollection and Mac continued, gesturing to the blank screen. “That video should have been money in the bank. Set up as pay per view. I could have retired happy from the money I would have made from Zeon alone. Charging even a single niode per view… hell, even crystal would have kept me happily in mechs, gear and weapons for years to come. And that’s only within the mecha community… think of the revenue that could be gotten for a vid like that from certain… um… connoisseurs. If that’s the right word for them.”

Kev didn’t catch on and looked blank, but Jay Dubya certainly went there in his head and regretted it instantly.

“Um, look, thanks for that” then added, “The info, not the mental image. Anything else you can add before I make that call?” But he had noticed the pilot had gone quiet and distant, seemingly off in a world of his own for some reason. “Mac? MAC!”

Mac started back to the present and took a few seconds to focus back on his surroundings. His eyes narrowed and he glanced around sharply, paying extra close attention to shadowed areas and corners.

“Something just occurred to me,” he murmured. Then, looking over at the senior pilot he asked, “Kev, can you do me a favor and keep watch outside? I promise, I’ll fill you in as soon as I can.”

Both the pilot and the C.O. looked questioningly at him but he remained silent, so Kev looked over to his commander for approval.

Jay Dubya tilted his head to one side, wondering what could be that important. He glanced at Kev and nodded, waiting silently for the former to take his station outside.

It was only once the door latch had given an audible click that Mac spoke again. “You might want to delay that call and send this by a niode gate drone… its more secure.”

Jay Dubya frowned. “What about the cost?” Gate drones were very rarely used except by big business, governments and the military. The niode expenditure for a self-contained package that small was prohibitive enough, let alone the gate transit costs.

Mac shrugged, his voice oddly devoid of expression. “Your call, sometimes it’s better to know you’ve paid for the added security. Decide after we’ve talked.”

The C.O. raised his eyebrows. This was definitely not characteristic behavior for Mac. “Ok, what’s on your mind.”

Mac voice was low and careful, as if his inflection was intended to ensure there was no confusion about what he had to say next. “It occurred to me it could be a long con… you know, the one where the profit is an advantage later on down the track, generally for a much bigger payoff?”

Jay Dubya shook his head. “Uh, no, not really following.”

Mac waved his hand as if to clear the air and start afresh. “Ok, a short scam is like cheating at cards or selling a fake. Short time span, relatively small return. It’s the kind of thing you do to make ends meet if you are living hand to mouth. The long scam takes longer to set up and is more elaborate, but the end payout is the kind that you can retire off, or at least live the high life for a few years. Things like Ponzi schemes, yes?”

“I’ll take your word for it, but I get the gist. Keep going,” motioned the C.O.

“So far I’d been looking at it from the point of view of a prankster… a chance to piss off Fuller, embarrass Toenjes, yes?” He searched his commander’s face to make sure he hadn’t lost him.

.”Go on...” Jay Dubya nodded

“Instead, let’s look at it if it had worked. The first one about the coffee. Fuller goes berserk and tries to retaliate against one of ‘my’ pranks, that much was predictable. He succeeds, nukes us, ends up behind bars or worse. As a by-product, you end up as radioactive ash. Now add in a seemingly unrelated incident of somebody putting the snatch on Dave Linton. What are you looking at?” He paused to allow the question to sink in, then carried on by answering himself.

“We’ve lost our chief, our next two most experienced clan leaders and over twenty percent of our forces,” he counted the points off on his fingers. “The Colonel would most likely be out of action trying to get Fuller out of the clink, leaving who in charge? Your replacement in H2, who’s been in that slot for less than a month.”

Jay Dubya’s eyes went wide at the implications of the picture Mac had painted. “Wheew…” he blew out. “Yeah, that would take us out of action. But I don’t get where this stuff with the Colonel would fit in?”

Mac tilted his head to the side slightly as he considered. “I said before it looked like an amateur? Let’s look at it from a point of view of being rushed instead, hmm? Their first plan didn’t work, so they’ve substituted this one. The net result is that Toenjes is in lock down and Fuller is doing full time damage control and PR. It’s a fast and dirty trick, but at the moment it’s still effectively neutralized our command team,” he stated.

Jay Dubya pursed his lips as he considered what he had heard. “Ok, I’ll buy that theory… I think Fuller will too, it looks too much like an attack on the Heroes to ignore it as a possibility. So what’s our next move?”

Mac shrugged and shook his head. “The honest answer is I don’t know. I need to test our security and find out how the hell they are getting in and out to do this stuff.” He gave a mirthless smirk. “I can take a few guesses in general about what their next moves could be though.”

Expecting Mac to carry on, the C.O. let the silence grow until he gave up and impatiently inquired, “And?”

The pilot looked at his commander square in the eyes. “They’ll make a move on you. You’re next in the command line. I don’t know how, but at least you know to watch your back.” Mac paused to allow that news to sink in, then carried on.  “Since they didn’t get Linton, they may try for Pit stop and take H2 out of the game… I don’t know…” He threw his hands up in frustration, then suggested, “Maybe get Big Col from the Heavy Brigade to take his mechs over there and do a ‘surprise inspection’. That would get them all on their toes and give them some experience and heavy support in place at the same time.” It wasn’t much, but at least it was the start of an action plan.

Jay Dubya sucked his teeth as he considered, then commented distastefully, “So what you’re saying is I get a big fat target on my back? Nice.”

Mac looked over in the direction of the door. “Bring Kev into the loop. You know he’s reliable.”

“Yeah,” the C.O. agreed, then inquired, “What about you?”

For the first time since they had been alone, Mac’s grin was back. “With all due respect Sir, I intend to be standing as far away from you as I possibly can.” He started to haul himself out of the chair and stopped short of letting go of the armrests. “I’ll get word back as and when I can.”

Seeing the pilot heading for the door, Jay Dubya called, “Send Kev in as you go out will you?” Then as an afterthought that pulled the pilot up short just as his hand was reaching for the doorknob, he asked, “Oh, and Mac? How do I know I can trust you?”

Mac glanced back over his shoulder and smirked.

“Your eleven days aren’t up yet.”










Submitted by David McCallum# 701548