It's a funny old Mecha Galaxy.
Lots of diverse peoples and places, and lots of planets that were originally settled by particular denizens of regions of Old Earth... and none so particular or diverse than the inhabitants, both human and native, of Nu Oz.
There's a reason why Nu Oz abbreviates quite neatly down to NO...
Forget Rizpah, the stats for this place are just astounding. 90% of the local flora and fauna wants to kill you, 80% wants to eat you, 70% wants to mate with you and 60% couldn't care if you are animal, vegetable, mineral, alive or deceased.
Maths wizards may have noticed there is a lot of scope for overlap.
The fact that Patrick and his chums like to holiday here and take home movies of the goings on is testament to the company he keeps.
What better place to try out my latest toy, the Spitfire.
Some folks managed to score a salvaged one on their travels, but mine set me back 135 Niodes, 8K Ferrite and 7K Bioptics.
Setting movement detectors to ground level to skirt around the nests of temperamental Fat Billed Duckypuss mothers (for that read 50% temper, 50% mental..) and keeping an ear out for the rapid thumping that heralded the arrival of the legendary Giant Long Toed Hopping Mouse and its amorous intentions, I gunned the engines and let rip...
WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
First thing as we go straight out of the starting blocks is that the power to weight ratio in a properly upgraded Spitfire is the same as your venerable Inferno... same acceleration, same top end. Advances in the niode gearing matrix and sharper, cleaner throttling of power output from the plants gives it exactly the same kick, despite the fact that you have one less modular engine mount. Those refinements add up to the equivalent performance of a whole missing crystal engine, built right into the chassis.
I'm certainly glad I braved the outhouse and it's resident dunny-lurker arachnidoid before I set out else I may have had a small accident there...
Armour wise they are virtually the same, still unfortunately limited to using the inferior Gamma grade shields, but for a top end cruiser-weight mech, that starts to become a secondary matter.
What is starting to matter far more is the fact that my rear view scanner is showing a fast approaching hopping mouse coming full tilt after me, and I'm pretty sure that's not a canoe in it's pouch...
Let's see... a quick twitch of the steering yoke...
And THAT'S what we wanted to see... this thing corners in the same way that a cat on ball bearings doesn't!
It's a shame Mr Hopping Mouse doesn't either, because he looks really funny plastered up against that tree... oh hang on, what on earth is it doing with the tree now... my word... erm... eew...
Yes, moving swiftly along, we were talking about the handling characteristics of the Spitfire, and quite frankly there have been other great machines throughout history that have borne this name and all had the same agile, nimble, fun characteristic in common. This one hasn't broken the mold.
That extra space afforded to it's chassis mounts gives it the ability to dodge and weave in a class I can only liken to that of Patrick when it's time to pay his bar tab. The best defence against any incoming fire is the ability to not be there, and even with crystal chassis equipment its one of the best.
The handling is superb, the ride is comfortable and even pulling a tight 3G full speed turn makes you feel like you have been nestled betwixt Bella Tin Grey's glorious funbags...
And not only that, the cockpit is roomy and spacious, even with the extra custom targeting gear that can be added.
Fast, maneuverable, excellent combat tracking and a weapon throw weight that very quickly outstrips the Inferno... is there no down side to this machine?
Yes, unfortunately there is. You see, the designers put all of that stuff together in a neat, stylish package and then either got drunk or went mad. Why in the name of all that is holy did they gear a gunslinger like that with missiles of all things?
You may as well turn up to a five star restaurant and order custard. It makes as much sense.
Not content with that, they panicked and added a bit of enhancement for projectile weapons to keep people from noticing the great steaming balls up they made.
And THEN they panicked even more and added useless enhancements to other weapons you are never going to fit on it in a month of Sundays... for crying out loud, do one thing and do it well.
Now don't get me wrong, as a missile mech this is such a vast improvement on the Orester its not true. Even looking back at other dual wielding mechs that do missile and projectile only (such as the Fides) there is no real comparison. There is no way in the Galaxy I won't be including it in my lineup, its just too nice a machine.
I just can't get over that custardy after-taste that says it just could have been so much more.
Submitted by David McCallum #701548