How many times have we as older beings heard this from the young?
Usually coupled with the immortal lines, "You just don't understand!"
Now as a member of the officer corps, there are rare occasions (on account of me generally trying my best to avoid such responsibility or accountability) when I actually have to enforce discipline and order among the rank and file.
Horrible unwashed mob of heathens that they are.
This applies to one of my very junior pilots, who could also be best described as a smell consisting of noise.
Generally an affable and easy going chap (even if he does at times have problems breathing and walking at the same time), things have been known to come to a head when such subjects as 'keeping ones bunk area tidy' and 'adhering to the washing up roster' are concerned.
A number of duty derelictions in said areas, coupled with 'insubordination', 'conduct unbecoming' and 'generally being a frakking drama queen and using up precious oxygen that I may wish to breath' had managed to earn an indefinite revocation of his mech-jock licence and a lock being put on his A.I.
His behind had been so grounded, you would swear his legs had been cut off.
He did eventually regain an operational status, and clambered back into the cockpit with all the experience and wisdom of the level 12 (going on 200) pilot he is, eager to get back to his duty, guard the Mecha Galaxy and head off to the Vupa gateway to generally cause mayhem and prod buttock.
We shut off the general comm channels to protect those un-involved from the ensuing wailing and gnashing of teeth.
So a quick about face and off he trooped with his 9 mech squadron in the general direction of the Cogwerk Gate.
Which was also locked due to him only having served a single tour there.
A wobbly of epic proportion now ensued.
While we have no way of measuring the actual scale of said wobbly, I would tentatively place it between the wobbly thrown by Patrick on the one occasion he accidentally found himself to be sober and the Great Rain Wobbly (I had to use capitol letters there because it really was a good one...) thrown by one General John Fuller when the weather on planet was so inclement that he found he was unable to go fishing, and then discovered that the same bad weather had also delayed our supply shipment, meaning we had run out of coffee.
The Great Rain Wobbly is the reason why all Heroes personnel are now trained in the use of cattle prods, a preservation measure we are all extremely thankful for Colonel Toenjes implementing.
But I digress....
So having finally calmed down (and headed off in the direction of the Pirate Moon), I was under the impression that I would be able to get on with something more useful, like playing with my Notos or working out new and inventive ways to wind Kenneth up, when a call comes in.
This is now Mr. Super Pilot's fourth tour over at the Pirate Moon and the natives have learned from their mistakes and have worked out how to deal with him a bit better. And his Universe beating formation of Nerio, Trooper and Orcus have run into a problem... actually three problems, consisting of a Warhorse, Shocklite and one of those fat Anzu things piloted by Kilgore's minions. And when I say 'run into', I should have expanded on this and added the 'fourteen times'.
How dare they use auto-repair...
So the title credits rolled, I grabbed the pop-corn and settled down to watch the show.
Life over? Check.
Don't understand? Check
All my fault? Che...
Now hold on one moment, because I don't recall it being my derriere that was grounded!
Oh, of course, I did the grounding, therefore the fault is mine. Sure, feel free to go and dramatically throw yourself on your bunk, despite the fact it will take a three day expedition and a team of sherpas to breach the laundry mountain so you can get there.
At least, and this is a small mercy, he took the old codger's advice (that is apparently me...) and did a quick side trip to Cogwerk and hit one of the mini-bosses there, just to make sure he was 'in pursuit' and couldn't have the gateway lock on him, as it inevitably would after the next Major Meltdown.
Oops, guess who just had his licence revoked again.
It is at times like this, when I sit and reflect (while wishing I could pour molten lead into my ear canals to block out the wailing and moaning) that I silently beseech the Gamesmasters that run this Mecha Galaxy.
Please, oh please, when the gateways are reset, please do not lock off the advancement points our pilots have achieved. Not only for my own fledgling pilot, but for all those newcomers who don't yet have a mentor like myself to show them the ins and outs and tricks and tweaks to help them along in their career.
If for nothing else, at least do it for the sake of my sanity...
and eardrums.
Submitted by David McCallum #701548