Here at the Galaxy Gathering, we pride ourselves on giving rational thought behind good advice to our readers and fellow pilots.
Well, at least I do. Patrick has been known to give the odd pearl of wisdom when you are busy scraping him off the pub floor, but generally those tidbits are along the lines of what drinks not to mix with each other and Kenneth, since he has joined us, has collated an almost encyclopedic knowledge of which are the best cut price knocking shops in whatever port you may happen to find yourself in.
But those areas of expertise are far more geared towards downtime, while I prefer to give advice on more pressing matters.
Take the current issue of annoyance facing pilots of every clan.You ae out on patrol when quite suddenly your threat detector goes off and you find yourself with a
surprise guest, quite literally dropping in, in the shape of a Dreadwing. Not exactly a welcome visitor.
How does one deal with these pests?
Well, after much thought (and admittedly a small amount of mental lubrication provided by Patrick's hidden stash of vintage refreshment) I have devised a Standard Operating Procedure that I am pleased to share with all my fellow pilots.
1. If you don't have one already, go and find/steal/borrow a Novum. It may seem light compared to your main battle line but trust me, this is the ideal machine for this task.
2. Head to the canteen and requisition all the steak knives. Trust me, they won't be missed; most pilots haven't graduated to the knife and fork stage and even those that have tend to prefer a diet based on bacon sandwiches and alcohol.
3. Now take a trip down to the maintenance bay and borrow a few rolls of duct tape.
4. Use liberal amounts of tape to attach the steak knives to the hull of the Novum, remembering to keep the pointy bits outwards.
5. Assign a gullible junior pilot (or anyone else equally disposable) to fly air cover for your formation. Making sure of course that their will is up to date and the have you down as the executor.
You see, the problem faced by Dreadwings is that while in flight, they have those oh so vulnerable wings extended. A quick brush from Mr Choppy Slicey Novum and they are suddenly going to find themselves on very bad terms with Mr Gravity.
And even if they do survive the landing, they then have the additional headache of having to deal with you in a bad mood backed up by an unreasonably large amount of firepower.
See, don't say I never share things with you...
Submitted by David McCallum #701548