I was recently at a bar near our clan's headquarters, when I ran into my own clone. I am a very handsome young devil I must say. We had a few drinks and met a pair of female mecha pilot clones. One thing led to another and now I am in a dilemma. My new bride is pregnant with my clone's baby and I do not know what to do. Your advice?
Signed,
Cloned and Confused
Dear Cloned and Confused,
You sir, are one twisted puppy. My advice to you is that you should immediately jump into the nearest auto canon and fire yourself at a passing Anubis. Failing that, the only other advice I can give you is to go home, pretend this never happened, and tell no one. You, your clone, your wife and her clone all need some very serious therapy and possibly a round of frontal lobe removal. Do us all a favor and remove yourself from our gene pool. You are wrecking the water.
Signed,
Monk "What the Frack are you people writing me this stuff for" Malone
Dear Monk,
Is it immoral to marry my own clone? And, if I somehow became pregnant in such a union, would that be considered wrong, in your opinion?
Signed,
Curious and Confused
Dear Curious and Confused,
What is wrong with you people? Do you have any idea the amount of credits I spend on therapy due to simply READING your letters? Do not under any circumstances, place yourself in a situation that involves any form of intimacy with your own clone! If you are attracted to your own sex, go out and find a consenting NON-genetically related partner. And, how on earth could you become pregnant from your own clone? Unless you visit Dr. Drake on a very regular basis, the science behind such a thing boggles the mind. Stop the madness, and under no circumstances must you ever say such a thing again! Bad Pilot! Bad!
Signed,
Monk "My hormones are now permanently damaged" Malone
To my readers,
Several of you sent similar letters on the same topic. I answered two. That was two more than I ever wish to answer again. Shame on you! I spent an hour convincing my editor to come out from under his desk and that the bad people were gone now. You made a grown man cry, you know. He still mutters to himself about finding a happy place and something about a bad touch. Shame on you! Shame on you all!
Signed,
Monk "Think of the children" Malone
Submitted by Sgt Ron Frye#879655