Me and the lads was having a laugh in the hanger the other day, when one of our wee bonny jokes went a bit too far, mate. See, me good chum, Lurch ( We calls him Lurch, 'cause he looks like that huge arse bloke from the old Adam's Family flicks on the old boob tube, ya' know. )....anyway, Lurch see, he gets it in his brain pan that it would be a laugh to have a go at the new droid driver we just got in. This lads name is Percy Eustace Longjaw. Right, I mean, good lord, someone should smack his mum and da' for nailing him with a name like that. Anyway, just having the name Percy was enough to get old Lurch in the mood for some shenanigans.
So, Lurch and the lads start telling this Percy bloke about the shop hydraulic vacuum. They tell him all about how it works, the attachments that go with it, what we use it for and how to operate it. Then they start telling him stories about what they have used it for after hours, when no one is around. Now, no one in their right mind would do what the lads said could be done, but Percy here, he's a greeny and don't know no better, right? Well, later that night, this here Percy does that unmentionable thing I done just mentioned and now we are all in a pickle. If our squad leader finds out, we are all gonna be in the cooking pot, mate. We been hiding Percy from view by keeping him up in the cockpit of his mecha and away from prying eyes, but it will only work so long. Do you know the best way to safely extract a private's privates from a sealed vacuum without engaging the 45 kilometer per hour hydraulic counter clockwise lug nut remover?
Signed,
Save Percy
Dear Save Percy,
Are you insane? If you even touch that blasted vacuum tool, that poor boy's manhood is going to be rotated clockwise at 45 kilometers per hour! You mess with that thing, and Percy is gonna become Mary! For the love of all that is holy, go to your squad leader, admit what happened, bite the bullet and take arse chewing, so that they can get a hydro mechanic up there and dismantle that blasted samophlange!
Signed,
Monk "You people are completely mental" Malone
PS
Love your accent.
Submitted by Ron Frye#879655