Dear Monk,
A couple weeks ago I was doing a routine recon' mission on the seventh moon of Slatepix Prime, when we picked up a formation of those damn Germans in their new Anubis mechas. We managed to kick some serious nazi arse, but in the process something weird happened. As I was laying down finishing blows on one of the Anubis', I swear to God, I saw myself in
the cockpit of the mecha I was killing. Just before it blew sky high, I waved at myself from the flames, and I was laughing at me! Dude, what the hell is going on? Is it some trick? Am I going crazy? Or are these guys doing something new to mess with our heads?
Signed,
What the Frak?
Dear What the Frak,
Love your name, mate. Ok, let me just start by saying, you are not crazy and it is not a trick. We have had dozens upon dozens of reports just like yours. Apparently the Germans are cloning mecha pilots all over the galaxy, to give themselves an edge in their war. Now, I know it is a bit unnerving to kill yourself in combat and then go home and look yourself in the eye while staring at the mirror as you are shaving, but don't work yourself up about. It is perfectly normal and healthy to kill yourself. Lots of people kill themselves everyday during routine combat operations and they are getting all bitchy about it. Stop crying like a little girl who just lost her favorite dolly and grow up you pansy! Everybody has to kill themselves once in a while and we get over it, so you should too. My advice to you is, go kill yourself a couple times this weekend and then go have a beer and talk to your buddies about how many times they killed themselves this week. It's good stuff.
Signed,
Monk "Go Kill Yourself" Malone
Ok, that's the end of that advice column. If you have a question you want answered just drop me a line, either in the comments section below, a private message, or a post on this site addressed to "Dear Monk". Thank you and remember....be safe out there and go kill yourself.
Submitted by Ron Frye#879655