Sometimes, you just have one of those days.
We've had a few lately, whereby our illustrious leader has, for want of a better phrase, done a bunk.
It was on one of these days that behind the scenes, certain comments were made between Kenneth and myself, and it led me to crack into the Galaxy Gathering security system to retrieve certain tapes....
Let me set the scene... a few days ago, and our Faction has just won gold in division 2. The after party has been done and dusted and it's the wee small hours, but there is still an edition of GG to get out for the next day. I'm beavering away trying to make deadline when guess who rolls in...
PAT: Here We Gold, Here We Gold,Here We Gold! Here We Gold,Here We Gold,Here We Go-old!....
ME: I take it from your unusually jovial and yet completely usual alcohol sodden state you enjoyed yourself at the party?
PAT: <Hic> Shuddup 'n' do some work you, you... you...
ME: Well at least your eloquency has gone up a notch. Seriously though, I know you and Joel are good mates but can you put the sheep down?
PAT: He's m' best pal, 's Joel... an' so's this ship... sheep...
ME: Yes, and from the panicked look on its face, I'm pretty sure how you think that sheep looks through your beer glasses... but I'm afraid I have to insist.
PAT: Insist, eh? Tell you 'bout insist.... I insist on a thing....
ME: Any particular thing or just a thing in general?
PAT: You know, a... thing... we do 'em when there's a war on and things...
ME: You mean an interview?!?
PAT: Yeah, that thing... an I'mma boss so you can just... yeah...
ME: <sigh> All right then... boss... for the record, welcome to the Galaxy Gathering. Let's have name, rank, faction and serial number.
PAT: 'm Patrick Willis... rank, your boss <giggles>... faction is Death's AFF Big Golden (redacted)... serial number you can go look up, butt face! <giggles>
ME: I see... so then Pat, you've already been quite explicit on how well the faction did, but how do you feel you did yourself?
PAT: Ha! Got me a Migzum... a Maggazoom... a yellow, big spider bug thing...
ME: A Megazome.
PAT: S'right... got top fifteen things... where's my 'mergency bottle of bourbon?
ME: Bottom drawer, along with the rest of the empties. So you actually did some work and managed a top fifteen place... wonders will never cease. Anything else of note you did during the war?
PAT: Did Wiseman!
ME: Excuse me?!? You...
PAT: Wiseman... Space Ghost... beat him fair n square. Hah!
ME: Thank goodness you clarified that one...
PAT: Wanna know why I beat him, hmm, wanna, hmm?
ME: Yes, please, do enlighten us.
PAT: Cos I'm N N N N N N N N BATMAAAAN!!!!
<sounds of Patrick falling off his chair in a fit of giggles>
PAT: Wossat sound...? 'm getting shot!
ME: Relax, it's just me typing.
PAT: <giggles> 'm getting shot by a keyboard... 'm dying! Hey Dave, if I die during the night will you wake me up in the morning?
ME: Yes, Patrick, don't worry.
PAT: You wanna know somethin', hmm? You're not to bad for a... a... thing...
<redacted sounds of extreme flatulence measured on the Richter scale and Patrick giggling himself to sleep>
ME: Well, I guess this concludes the interview.... note to self, next time, get him to agree to a pay rise before he gases himself into a stupor... oh well.
Hey KENNETH? Pat needs you in here a minute... oh, and never did say, welcome to the Galaxy Gathering!
Submitted by David McCallum #701548
(drunk sheep image by VladanJovanovicNaf on deviantart.com)