This is going to be a mech review with a difference.... because I know absolutely nothing about this mech, so I'm going to have to make it all up!
Actually, that's a lie....
First of all, I'd be misleading you by intimating that I normally do reviews based on knowledge, when in fact I usually make it all up anyway.
Secondly, we do know at least a few things about it.
Well, its another of the 100 ton big jobs. And it certainly looks like it's a projectile mech.
Cost wise, its free! Well, at least it was for me and about a hundred others who are currently on the list awaiting delivery. It came free with a nice shiny gold medal up in Division 1 and 2. What the plebeian masses will have to pay once it hits the open market is anyone's guess.
We also know that it is going to be the singly most uncool mech in the history of everything, because Patrick Willis is also on the waiting list. Automatic un-coolness has been rubber stamped. Sorry. He's probably going to lose it whatever tatters of respectability it had left by calling it "Godzilla" or something like that.
In an attempt to regain some street cred for the poor feckless machine, we'd better give it a code-name.
Since it is currently a mech with no name, let's call it... Clint.
We aren't sure of the manufacturer as yet, but Clint certainly appears to have taken some pointers from the latest offering from Consolidated Mecha, the Buccaneer, in terms of styling and chassis drive train. The fact that Clint comes of the production line in Classic British Racing Green livery adds an amount of style and class.
Intercepted communications have labelled Clint as... sexy. And from what can be seen of the targeting and anti-recoil features, it looks like it could well be easy on the trigger with thought put into precision and/or crit-kill.
Unfortunately with it being one of the biggest mechs out there, speed and handling are still an issue, with an acceleration curve akin to an arthritic tortoise and an ability to go from 0 - 60 in around 3 weeks. Cornering has been likened to the turning circle associated with your average downtown warehouse.
But you are just missing the point of Clint, the point being an armour rating akin to an extinction event sized ferrous asteroid, Epsilon grade shielding that can stop a rhino on bad acid and an offensive throw weight of firepower like my wife when I haven't done the dishes... or a .44 Magnum that fired five shots rather than six...
I'm tempted to get up early and take Clint for a spin as soon as it gets delivered.... just so I can savor
it in all its glory.
At least before Patrick ruins Clint for all of us....
Submitted by David McCallum #701548