Yes, I admit that this mech is a running joke as far as I'm concerned.
But I mean, look at it.Speed by 'Arthritics Anonymous', styling by 'Roadkill'.
It is to mechs what caravans (or trailers as certain parts of the populace would call them) are to road vehicles.
The proverbial nail in the coffin for this mech is the fact that John T. Mainer uses one as his flag mech. You can't get more uncool than that, until today when I myself became the proud owner of one.
I'm using the word 'proud' in a very loose fashion.
I even found another reason to dislike it intensely. The colour. Its just so ludicrous in its standard factory livery, you can't believe it's there!
I kid you not, in a fit of post Gorax infection I had actually put one of these on my wish list for raid prizes. I was fortunate enough to be the one on duty when the final attack runs were being made and therefore I was the first to see what my helpful little raccoon minions had dragged into the hanger.
first thing I saw was the bright red Typhoon. Why they keep bringing those in I have no idea; I stopped doing anything with them after the second and that was now number five. I almost missed the dark hued Fext lurking in the corner, blending in with the shadows, silent and lurking like a visit from the tax department.
It was only when I came to register the new acquisitions with command that I noticed what I actually first took to be a weapon pile because of the ridiculous paint job. I couldn't do a better job at disbelieving camouflage if I painted it pink and draped pole dancers from the main weaponry.
I took it for a spin.
If, and this is a huge massive 'If', the kind of 'If' associated with class 'A' drugs and high fever delirium, I had actually bought one, I would have paid 21K Ferrite, 14.7K Bioptics and 155 Niodes.
For this I would have got a 100 ton banana impersonator that accelerates like a concrete slab and can be outpaced by continental drift. The armour is pretty good, so much so that it gets in the way of steering and your mass will carry you into the next country when you attempt to take a corner.
Tactics wise, your best bet is to get several cranes and/or forklifts to carry it onto the field and you can then use it as a fixed defensive point. Luckily the armour is decent (as I've mentioned before), it has an amount of built in AR at higher levels and the combat systems give decent bonuses for a raft of things, not the least of which are pure damage output for projectile and missile systems.
I have no choice now but to save face and actually field it in battle. When I say save face, what I actually mean is erect a very large cardboard cut out of a Regis in front of it and report anyone who sees behind said disguise to the authorities for illegal doping during a sanctioned battle.
Perhaps I can mount it on a very large skate board and get my Dreadnoughts to roll it into battle to help the deception.
Submitted by David McCallum #701548