By Steve Ross#162076
Friday, April 17, 2015
Grease Monkey "Monk" Malone's Shop Talk Letters To Monk Article Five: Private Privates And The Hydraulic Vacuum of Doom By Ron Frye#879655
Dear Monk,
Me and the lads was having a laugh in the hanger the other day, when one of our wee bonny jokes went a bit too far, mate. See, me good chum, Lurch ( We calls him Lurch, 'cause he looks like that huge arse bloke from the old Adam's Family flicks on the old boob tube, ya' know. )....anyway, Lurch see, he gets it in his brain pan that it would be a laugh to have a go at the new droid driver we just got in. This lads name is Percy Eustace Longjaw. Right, I mean, good lord, someone should smack his mum and da' for nailing him with a name like that. Anyway, just having the name Percy was enough to get old Lurch in the mood for some shenanigans.
So, Lurch and the lads start telling this Percy bloke about the shop hydraulic vacuum. They tell him all about how it works, the attachments that go with it, what we use it for and how to operate it. Then they start telling him stories about what they have used it for after hours, when no one is around. Now, no one in their right mind would do what the lads said could be done, but Percy here, he's a greeny and don't know no better, right? Well, later that night, this here Percy does that unmentionable thing I done just mentioned and now we are all in a pickle. If our squad leader finds out, we are all gonna be in the cooking pot, mate. We been hiding Percy from view by keeping him up in the cockpit of his mecha and away from prying eyes, but it will only work so long. Do you know the best way to safely extract a private's privates from a sealed vacuum without engaging the 45 kilometer per hour hydraulic counter clockwise lug nut remover?
Signed,
Save Percy
Dear Save Percy,
Are you insane? If you even touch that blasted vacuum tool, that poor boy's manhood is going to be rotated clockwise at 45 kilometers per hour! You mess with that thing, and Percy is gonna become Mary! For the love of all that is holy, go to your squad leader, admit what happened, bite the bullet and take arse chewing, so that they can get a hydro mechanic up there and dismantle that blasted samophlange!
Signed,
Monk "You people are completely mental" Malone
PS
Love your accent.
Submitted by Ron Frye#879655
Me and the lads was having a laugh in the hanger the other day, when one of our wee bonny jokes went a bit too far, mate. See, me good chum, Lurch ( We calls him Lurch, 'cause he looks like that huge arse bloke from the old Adam's Family flicks on the old boob tube, ya' know. )....anyway, Lurch see, he gets it in his brain pan that it would be a laugh to have a go at the new droid driver we just got in. This lads name is Percy Eustace Longjaw. Right, I mean, good lord, someone should smack his mum and da' for nailing him with a name like that. Anyway, just having the name Percy was enough to get old Lurch in the mood for some shenanigans.
So, Lurch and the lads start telling this Percy bloke about the shop hydraulic vacuum. They tell him all about how it works, the attachments that go with it, what we use it for and how to operate it. Then they start telling him stories about what they have used it for after hours, when no one is around. Now, no one in their right mind would do what the lads said could be done, but Percy here, he's a greeny and don't know no better, right? Well, later that night, this here Percy does that unmentionable thing I done just mentioned and now we are all in a pickle. If our squad leader finds out, we are all gonna be in the cooking pot, mate. We been hiding Percy from view by keeping him up in the cockpit of his mecha and away from prying eyes, but it will only work so long. Do you know the best way to safely extract a private's privates from a sealed vacuum without engaging the 45 kilometer per hour hydraulic counter clockwise lug nut remover?
Signed,
Save Percy
Dear Save Percy,
Are you insane? If you even touch that blasted vacuum tool, that poor boy's manhood is going to be rotated clockwise at 45 kilometers per hour! You mess with that thing, and Percy is gonna become Mary! For the love of all that is holy, go to your squad leader, admit what happened, bite the bullet and take arse chewing, so that they can get a hydro mechanic up there and dismantle that blasted samophlange!
Signed,
Monk "You people are completely mental" Malone
PS
Love your accent.
Submitted by Ron Frye#879655
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Grease Monkey "Monk" Malone's Shop Talk Article Four: Letters to Monk By Ron Frye#879655
Heya folks, old greasy Monk here again, with another earth shattering publication for your reading enjoyment. I am not going to lecture on any one specific topic this time, as my editor has informed me he wants me to start responding to some of my fan mail in the column. He feels that answering readers' questions on mecha mechanics is the best way to educate and reach the young pilots and support personnel out there. So, here goes, my first advice column entry.
Dear Monk,
A couple weeks ago I was doing a routine recon' mission on the seventh moon of Slatepix Prime, when we picked up a formation of those damn Germans in their new Anubis mechas. We managed to kick some serious nazi arse, but in the process something weird happened. As I was laying down finishing blows on one of the Anubis', I swear to God, I saw myself in
the cockpit of the mecha I was killing. Just before it blew sky high, I waved at myself from the flames, and I was laughing at me! Dude, what the hell is going on? Is it some trick? Am I going crazy? Or are these guys doing something new to mess with our heads?
Signed,
What the Frak?
Dear What the Frak,
Love your name, mate. Ok, let me just start by saying, you are not crazy and it is not a trick. We have had dozens upon dozens of reports just like yours. Apparently the Germans are cloning mecha pilots all over the galaxy, to give themselves an edge in their war. Now, I know it is a bit unnerving to kill yourself in combat and then go home and look yourself in the eye while staring at the mirror as you are shaving, but don't work yourself up about. It is perfectly normal and healthy to kill yourself. Lots of people kill themselves everyday during routine combat operations and they are getting all bitchy about it. Stop crying like a little girl who just lost her favorite dolly and grow up you pansy! Everybody has to kill themselves once in a while and we get over it, so you should too. My advice to you is, go kill yourself a couple times this weekend and then go have a beer and talk to your buddies about how many times they killed themselves this week. It's good stuff.
Signed,
Monk "Go Kill Yourself" Malone
Ok, that's the end of that advice column. If you have a question you want answered just drop me a line, either in the comments section below, a private message, or a post on this site addressed to "Dear Monk". Thank you and remember....be safe out there and go kill yourself.
Submitted by Ron Frye#879655
Dear Monk,
A couple weeks ago I was doing a routine recon' mission on the seventh moon of Slatepix Prime, when we picked up a formation of those damn Germans in their new Anubis mechas. We managed to kick some serious nazi arse, but in the process something weird happened. As I was laying down finishing blows on one of the Anubis', I swear to God, I saw myself in
the cockpit of the mecha I was killing. Just before it blew sky high, I waved at myself from the flames, and I was laughing at me! Dude, what the hell is going on? Is it some trick? Am I going crazy? Or are these guys doing something new to mess with our heads?
Signed,
What the Frak?
Dear What the Frak,
Love your name, mate. Ok, let me just start by saying, you are not crazy and it is not a trick. We have had dozens upon dozens of reports just like yours. Apparently the Germans are cloning mecha pilots all over the galaxy, to give themselves an edge in their war. Now, I know it is a bit unnerving to kill yourself in combat and then go home and look yourself in the eye while staring at the mirror as you are shaving, but don't work yourself up about. It is perfectly normal and healthy to kill yourself. Lots of people kill themselves everyday during routine combat operations and they are getting all bitchy about it. Stop crying like a little girl who just lost her favorite dolly and grow up you pansy! Everybody has to kill themselves once in a while and we get over it, so you should too. My advice to you is, go kill yourself a couple times this weekend and then go have a beer and talk to your buddies about how many times they killed themselves this week. It's good stuff.
Signed,
Monk "Go Kill Yourself" Malone
Ok, that's the end of that advice column. If you have a question you want answered just drop me a line, either in the comments section below, a private message, or a post on this site addressed to "Dear Monk". Thank you and remember....be safe out there and go kill yourself.
Submitted by Ron Frye#879655
Another Day at the Circuit Fights By Nick Quesadilla #871854
So you’re here for another story huh? Well I suppose I could use another drink so I'll tell you another one of my glorious tales. Back when I was a starting pilot circuit fights was an illegal type of act. If any mech battled each other on bets then you would be quartered and charged. I needed the money to upgrade my mech so I decided “hey…is it really illegal if I don’t get caught?” I entered this Circuit fight not knowing what I was in for. I walked up to a rather large and muscular man. He told me “You here for the oil?” I replied “Yeah..careful though last time it went everywhere.” He realized I knew the code the oil going everywhere stood for a destroyed mech in the ring and he decided to let me in. Millions of thoughts were rushing through my head, I heard the screams and laughter of civilians winning or losing all of their savings.
I knew that speed was crucial in a circuit fight, most people think biggest hits are the key but if your faster you can evade. That’s why I am going to enter my axe bot into this fight. The arena was crazy it was large enough to fill the whole galaxy. “Ok….I'm ready….*takes breath*…...*exhales*..I wont let you down Alex, this fight is for you.” I got into my mech and awaited my name to be called into the arena. The speaker shouts “All the way across the galaxy…a man so brave…so ruthless….so…out of his mind….NICK QUESADILLA!” *I rush out to the crowd who had no faith in me and yelled boo’s at me*…maybe this was a mistake maybe I shouldn’t have done this. The speaker then says…”Ladies and gentleman we have an old contender…former mech champion David Sparks!!!” The crowd went into a frenzy as David sparks comes out in a trooper. Ive heard about David Sparks his Trooper is called the Wasp because he hits fast and is heavily armored.
My heart sank…how am I going to beat this guy. I need to calm down, if I even stand a chance at this guy I'm going to have to have a clear head. *bell rings* “Fight!!!” *The trooper rushes at me with a full throttle* *My axebot dodges and takes a quick jab at his side* Whats going on? I already got the first hit. Is David going easy on me?? I didn’t stop punching at his bot, I was so scared that I could get destroyed by him so I didn’t stop. Oil was going everywhere, his shields were breached and I damaged his hull completely until…*a sharp pain reaches my spine* the A.I. yells *Warning spinal core breached* Oh no…he has grabbed the backbone of my mech *David begins to yank and twist* “Warning….Hull breached, shield down, health Critical, Emergency Shutdown Activated” The speaker begins to yell, well folks looks like its all over for Nick” I need to find a way to override this Command…I need to turn the A.I. system off. *when I unplug the AI my mech turns on but all of my equipment is turned off*
Looks like I'm going to have to do this Manually. *I begin to put on my gear and throw some punches at his hull* All of my throws were crits. Fire was spreading on his trooper, his arms began to malfunction. All that was going through my head was…FATALITY…FINISH HIM. *I spin my arm and take a swing and uppercut his head off of his mech* The speaker yells “Ladies and Gentleman, Nick has done the impossible he has defeated David in battle” “Congrats Nick please go collect your winnings”. I cant believe I won….I did it I actually did it. I won the money….now to go purchase those wheeled feet. Would love to be faster..*I head to the market when I'm stopped by a familiar face* The familiar man says “So you wanna be a circuit fighter huh?...well next battle…*lifts head* your gonna face me! IT was…my clone…the one I saw in the cave a month ago. He found me and it looks like I'm going to have to finish this…once and for all.
Submitted by Nick Quesadilla #871854
I knew that speed was crucial in a circuit fight, most people think biggest hits are the key but if your faster you can evade. That’s why I am going to enter my axe bot into this fight. The arena was crazy it was large enough to fill the whole galaxy. “Ok….I'm ready….*takes breath*…...*exhales*..I wont let you down Alex, this fight is for you.” I got into my mech and awaited my name to be called into the arena. The speaker shouts “All the way across the galaxy…a man so brave…so ruthless….so…out of his mind….NICK QUESADILLA!” *I rush out to the crowd who had no faith in me and yelled boo’s at me*…maybe this was a mistake maybe I shouldn’t have done this. The speaker then says…”Ladies and gentleman we have an old contender…former mech champion David Sparks!!!” The crowd went into a frenzy as David sparks comes out in a trooper. Ive heard about David Sparks his Trooper is called the Wasp because he hits fast and is heavily armored.
My heart sank…how am I going to beat this guy. I need to calm down, if I even stand a chance at this guy I'm going to have to have a clear head. *bell rings* “Fight!!!” *The trooper rushes at me with a full throttle* *My axebot dodges and takes a quick jab at his side* Whats going on? I already got the first hit. Is David going easy on me?? I didn’t stop punching at his bot, I was so scared that I could get destroyed by him so I didn’t stop. Oil was going everywhere, his shields were breached and I damaged his hull completely until…*a sharp pain reaches my spine* the A.I. yells *Warning spinal core breached* Oh no…he has grabbed the backbone of my mech *David begins to yank and twist* “Warning….Hull breached, shield down, health Critical, Emergency Shutdown Activated” The speaker begins to yell, well folks looks like its all over for Nick” I need to find a way to override this Command…I need to turn the A.I. system off. *when I unplug the AI my mech turns on but all of my equipment is turned off*
Looks like I'm going to have to do this Manually. *I begin to put on my gear and throw some punches at his hull* All of my throws were crits. Fire was spreading on his trooper, his arms began to malfunction. All that was going through my head was…FATALITY…FINISH HIM. *I spin my arm and take a swing and uppercut his head off of his mech* The speaker yells “Ladies and Gentleman, Nick has done the impossible he has defeated David in battle” “Congrats Nick please go collect your winnings”. I cant believe I won….I did it I actually did it. I won the money….now to go purchase those wheeled feet. Would love to be faster..*I head to the market when I'm stopped by a familiar face* The familiar man says “So you wanna be a circuit fighter huh?...well next battle…*lifts head* your gonna face me! IT was…my clone…the one I saw in the cave a month ago. He found me and it looks like I'm going to have to finish this…once and for all.
Submitted by Nick Quesadilla #871854
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Jungle Moon Rizpah Patrol By Stuart Myshrall# 422352
" Come to Rizpah!" they said, "It'll be fun they said"
"What the hell am I doing here?" I said mainly to myself and the mecha in the bay. And maybe the occasional grease monkey. But they rarely listen to us jockeys.
Looking at my battered and beaten Regis "Undertaker" standing in the pale light. She almost looks beautiful. And again I find myself wondering just what the hell they want a troop of BFM and heavies on this gawd forsaken rock. You can't go 10 metres here without stepping on a Snavrum, and the humidity wreaks havoc on the mecha joints.
Well might as well get this over with I thought climbing onto the gantry to climb into my mecha.
Once inside, I rig in, that old familiar euphoric buzz from jacking into the neural link coursing through me. The old girl starting up, every nerve tingling as the dark matter converters hum to life. I reach into the cooler for a cold beer while I wait for the rest of the troop. Our orders are to penetrate the jungle on a recon patrol, only an eight hour stint. Beter be I thought. Only brought 48 beer to last me.
Once the rest of the troop is jacked in and are ready, we walk out into the dim twilight of Rizpah. I slide the antique CD into the play as Guns N Roses' "Welcome to the jungle: blares out over the com.
The first 6 hours of the patrol are mind numbly uneventful save about 40 or 50 snavrum wound up in our mecha joints. The grease monkeys are going to love us. When all the sudden every warning goes off at once! Looks like we found Dorian Cogsworthy. I key the com, "Once more into the breech guys" as the first projectile slams my chest plate. Dammit, I just welded that back on!
I fire off a full volley of Blue Dragons at the point mecha, watching it explode in a dizzying array of colors, momentarily blinding my sensors. Once the fog lifts, we are surrounded. All we can do is blast our way out. The com is eerily quiet as the men and women do their job. Staggering the firing to keep up with the recharge cycles, we are successful after about an hour of intense fighting. Only had one jockey punch out. We salvage what we can, and looky here! The star charts! Guess I know why Daniel wanted my troop on patrol. Turning back towards base with our salvage and the precious star charts, my chest plate finally falls off. Yeah, the grease monkeys are going to really love us! Well time for another beer and head for home.
"Come to Rizpah" they said, "It'll be fun" the said.
BULLSH!T
Submitted by Stuart Myshrall# 422352
"What the hell am I doing here?" I said mainly to myself and the mecha in the bay. And maybe the occasional grease monkey. But they rarely listen to us jockeys.
Looking at my battered and beaten Regis "Undertaker" standing in the pale light. She almost looks beautiful. And again I find myself wondering just what the hell they want a troop of BFM and heavies on this gawd forsaken rock. You can't go 10 metres here without stepping on a Snavrum, and the humidity wreaks havoc on the mecha joints.
Well might as well get this over with I thought climbing onto the gantry to climb into my mecha.
Once inside, I rig in, that old familiar euphoric buzz from jacking into the neural link coursing through me. The old girl starting up, every nerve tingling as the dark matter converters hum to life. I reach into the cooler for a cold beer while I wait for the rest of the troop. Our orders are to penetrate the jungle on a recon patrol, only an eight hour stint. Beter be I thought. Only brought 48 beer to last me.
Once the rest of the troop is jacked in and are ready, we walk out into the dim twilight of Rizpah. I slide the antique CD into the play as Guns N Roses' "Welcome to the jungle: blares out over the com.
The first 6 hours of the patrol are mind numbly uneventful save about 40 or 50 snavrum wound up in our mecha joints. The grease monkeys are going to love us. When all the sudden every warning goes off at once! Looks like we found Dorian Cogsworthy. I key the com, "Once more into the breech guys" as the first projectile slams my chest plate. Dammit, I just welded that back on!
I fire off a full volley of Blue Dragons at the point mecha, watching it explode in a dizzying array of colors, momentarily blinding my sensors. Once the fog lifts, we are surrounded. All we can do is blast our way out. The com is eerily quiet as the men and women do their job. Staggering the firing to keep up with the recharge cycles, we are successful after about an hour of intense fighting. Only had one jockey punch out. We salvage what we can, and looky here! The star charts! Guess I know why Daniel wanted my troop on patrol. Turning back towards base with our salvage and the precious star charts, my chest plate finally falls off. Yeah, the grease monkeys are going to really love us! Well time for another beer and head for home.
"Come to Rizpah" they said, "It'll be fun" the said.
BULLSH!T
Submitted by Stuart Myshrall# 422352
New Niode Promotion On Galaxy Gathering By Pat Willis#224534
Want in on niodes but aren’t a writer, maybe supplement for when vids are down, get a few here and there just in case? Well listen up because we have an idea how to get you paid. Read on and follow the instructions to get in on this!
1.Make a comment on one of our many articles over on Galaxy Gathering. Something a bit more than “Hey I like this article”, or “This one sucks”. We want quality not quantity tell us why it is a good or bad article, what you did or did not like about it a few sentences really and it could be worth 1-2 Niodes per comment depending on the comment itself, thoughtfulness is worth more to us than sheer length. (Limit of 20 per week per person.)
2.Leave your player ID# in the comment you left to get properly credited. We submit names and ID#s every Monday mid-day to Molly who will usually pay out within the next 72 hours after list submission. So this isn’t an instant deal but you MUST leave the player Id in there somewhere to be properly credited and the above will always apply (Rule #1)
So really that is all there is too it, leave us a comment on site (set up for FB users already in the comments section) leave a reply that is more than a couple words, has some thought to it, and include your player ID and you could easily be making 20 Niodes a week for doing such. Thanks to Ron Frye as this was his proposal, Chef Okayed it, and I implemented it. So ty to those involved and help us make our site better with comments it could get you paid!!!
Submitted by Pat Willis#224534
1.Make a comment on one of our many articles over on Galaxy Gathering. Something a bit more than “Hey I like this article”, or “This one sucks”. We want quality not quantity tell us why it is a good or bad article, what you did or did not like about it a few sentences really and it could be worth 1-2 Niodes per comment depending on the comment itself, thoughtfulness is worth more to us than sheer length. (Limit of 20 per week per person.)
2.Leave your player ID# in the comment you left to get properly credited. We submit names and ID#s every Monday mid-day to Molly who will usually pay out within the next 72 hours after list submission. So this isn’t an instant deal but you MUST leave the player Id in there somewhere to be properly credited and the above will always apply (Rule #1)
So really that is all there is too it, leave us a comment on site (set up for FB users already in the comments section) leave a reply that is more than a couple words, has some thought to it, and include your player ID and you could easily be making 20 Niodes a week for doing such. Thanks to Ron Frye as this was his proposal, Chef Okayed it, and I implemented it. So ty to those involved and help us make our site better with comments it could get you paid!!!
Submitted by Pat Willis#224534
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Prometheus Weapon Review By Pat Willis#224534
This is a grade A Niode Fire weapon, available to levels 110 and up, so even I can't touch it yet as I am almost at 101 for lvl. It'll cost you 2,000 Ferrite, 2,000 Bioptics, and 58 Niodes. Bulk buy as usual is an option here with 5 for 232 Niodes. It has a straight damage of 125, a speed of 106, the abilities of Burn at 41%, as well as X2 Damage at 18%.
But tell me that isn't great straight damage first off, then think of the possibilities of the Burn potential stuck on a flame mecha of that level to begin with and consider its inbuilt flame bonus, and finally consider the fire damage enhancing equipment, along with your individual stat points. All that combined could make this a mean weapon alone but at those levels on most mecha you'd also have a decent X2 to damage anyways, add in the multiplier here and pretty much if it goes off, the working thought is, "You're Toast!"
Submitted by Pat Willis#224534
But tell me that isn't great straight damage first off, then think of the possibilities of the Burn potential stuck on a flame mecha of that level to begin with and consider its inbuilt flame bonus, and finally consider the fire damage enhancing equipment, along with your individual stat points. All that combined could make this a mean weapon alone but at those levels on most mecha you'd also have a decent X2 to damage anyways, add in the multiplier here and pretty much if it goes off, the working thought is, "You're Toast!"
Submitted by Pat Willis#224534
Tales From The Campfire Part 5: Ants, Potatoes and Legends…By David McCallum# 701548
The group watched Mac’s back in silence as he disappeared into the jungle.
The silence was starting to get uncomfortable and it was broken by Mike who cleared his throat and commented, “He doesn’t like having to deal with the brass, does he?”
Gampy Bob shrugged and throw another stick on the fire. “It’s got to be something serious if Fuller is involved. Maybe we should look at heading back to base?” The suggestion was half hearted at best, and he looked around at the others waiting for somebody to disagree.
Kev obliged. “If it was that bad all our comm links would be going off. We’ve still got time for another round of steaks at least while he takes that call. If we need to know about it, he’ll tell us.”
They set about getting more meat cooking and those who had emptied their beers were passed fresh ones.
Pulling the ring pull on his can open with a hiss and a small amount of foam, it was Peter who remarked to Kev, “Hey, I meant to ask. There were a few names I thought I recognized in those stories. When he was talking about ‘The Don’, was that Don Fugate, the Torrent ace from Zeon?”
Kev chuckled. “Yeah, that’s him. He was making a name for himself already when he was with us, and he first started in Torrents when he was a Hero.”
With that news the group became far more animated and questions were flying thick and fast from all quarters; So what was he like? Did you go up against him? Is he as good as they say?
Kev waved his hands in an attempt to bat down the enthusiasm and get a word in edgeways. “Ok, one at a time!” he declared loudly, then once they had simmered down he continued in more normal tones. “Yeah, he’s a good guy, generally easy going unless you manage to get up his nose. Did I go up against him? Sure, we all did. We trained and sorted out our formations against each other the same as everyone does. Just with Don it was more a case of how much you could scrape his paintwork rather than actually doing some damage.”
Peter beat the rabble to the next set of questions by a hairsbreadth. “He’s really that good? Could any of you beat him?”
Kev shrugged in a matter of fact manner. ”Oh sure, I mean this was before he had enough skill to use the really big mechs… The Colonel could hold his own. Fuller, Chong and Big Col were out of his league. It was the rest of us that had the problems.”
“So none of the rest of you could take him?” asked Mike, his eyes intent, glancing around at the Heroes who would have been around at that time.
“No,” Kev shook his head, then frowned and added, “Well, actually that’s not quite true. The Retherfords were still with us then, and they could go toe to toe with him. And Mac beat him.”
People choked on beer and gasped in disbelief and once more the clearing was in uproar.
“You’re Kidding!” declared Pete.
“No Way!” exclaimed Pete.
“He beat the Torrent Ace?” demanded Mike.
Even Gampy Bob looked dubious. “Do tell youngster… We didn’t hear anything about it down in H2, and we generally managed to get hold of most of the gossip thanks to the Retherford clones.”
Kev chuckled and lent forward to stir the coals with a stick. “Yeah he did. Just once, and it was the only full on honor duel they ever had so it was pretty heavy stuff, but Mac took him. Promised to keep it secret too afterwards, but hey, I’m not Mac and I didn’t promise.” He glanced over at Gampy Bob. “Probably why you didn’t hear about it.”
Gampy Bob crossed his arms and leaned back. “So how the hell did he do it?” he demanded.
Kev laughed wryly and shook his head. “The thing to remember about Mac,” he said, “is that he doesn’t play fair. I mean, he doesn’t cheat, but he’ll take any advantage he can and even more that you can’t even dream of. Not just hardware, but he can get inside your head… that’s what he did with Don.”
He put the stick to one side and shifted his buttocks into a more comfortable position on the ground. “It was back around the time of the Specialist wars. We’d just taken gold and there was still a lot of discontent in the pilot community about being forced to fight against specialists instead of just fielding the best mechs you possibly could. The Don was firmly in the heavy camp, where Mac was very much pro specialist. It started off with Mac going on and on about how brilliant Red Ants were and how everyone should get some. Don said no thanks, he’d stick with his Torrents. Then Mac said it was probably just as well, since a Red Ant would only make Don’s ass look big, but Don let that one slide too. Like I said, he was pretty easy going.”
Kev twisted his face into an ironic expression before continuing. “The thing is that once he sets his mind to it, Mac can make a saint swear and Don is a lot of things but a saint isn’t one of them. There was a lot of snide comments to start with, but Don just kept saying that if he did get Ants, he would wipe the floor with Mac because his weapons were far better quality.”
“So Mac escalated things even more. He started getting drunk with the Retherfords, then would load up some Ants with potato cannons, break into Dons hanger and start firing potatoes at his Torrents. Of course that set off all the alarms, the Torrents auto defense protocols would kick in, they’d shoot the place up and Don would get woken up and have to come and clean up the mess.”
“The third night Mac pulled that stunt, the Don just lost it completely. He went out and got himself a couple of dozen Red Ants, stripped all the weapons off his Torrents and the rest of his heavies, loaded up the Ants and marched them out onto the honor field. He called Mac out.”
Kev paused and smiled at the memory. “So Mac turned up with his own Ants and proceeded to hand Don his ass on a plate. Don ended up just sitting there in the middle of the honour field surrounded by a couple hundred ton of Red Ant scrap. He couldn’t believe it. It took about five minutes, then he just burst out laughing… seriously, we thought he was going to either wet himself or do himself an injury.”
The audience looked skeptical. They were well aware of the Zeon reputation in general and all had at some stage in their career been on the receiving end of the amount of niode weaponry the likes of which their pilots were reputed to pack. It was Stan that asked the obvious question.
“So what was the story then?”
“Simple answer,” snorted Kev. “Mac had wound him up so bad that all he was concentrating on was getting Ants on the field with the biggest weapons he could get. He’d completely forgotten about other systems, so he’d been running with stock engines and stock chassis. Not even a cup holder in the cockpit. So even though his weapons were twice as powerful as anything Mac had, Mac was firing twice as fast, with greater accuracy and when Don did get a shot off, most of the time Mac was dodging it.”
He scanned the faces of the others, resting for a few brief seconds on the newer members of the clan to let the cautionary tale sink in.
“Mac had baited the Legend into losing his cool, and Don ended up making a stupid rookie mistake.” Then he straightened and carried on in a more matter of fact tone. “Of course they had a rematch later and Don came out on top, but by that time it was just a training run. But, meh, too late. The Don had been beaten. Just goes to show that even legends can have a bad day at the office.”
Just then the ambient noise of the jungle was interrupted with the rustle and footfalls of somebody approaching. The pilots stared in silence as Mac returned and moved from the undergrowth into the fire’s dim glow. He stopped at the edge of the light and took in the fact that all eyes were on him.
“What?” he scowled as he held his hands open to invite an answer. “You’re all looking at me as if I’ve just said that I got paid more than the cost of a liquid torch for a job on Novum Dolorum. Or something else equally impossible.”
Kev tried to put on his most innocent smile and failed miserably. “Nope, just chewing the fat and waiting to see what the General wanted. Anything we need to worry about?”
Mac narrowed his eyes, but let the obvious lie go… at least for the time being.
“Worry? No. We do need to get back to barracks though, and that’s on the complete understanding that as far as Fuller is concerned I have neither seen you, nor do I know where you all currently are, even though most of you are apparently AWOL from barracks and snuck out here without disabling your location transponders. Fuller’s about to ship us to a larger base. We’re expanding…”
Submitted by David McCallum # 701548
The silence was starting to get uncomfortable and it was broken by Mike who cleared his throat and commented, “He doesn’t like having to deal with the brass, does he?”
Gampy Bob shrugged and throw another stick on the fire. “It’s got to be something serious if Fuller is involved. Maybe we should look at heading back to base?” The suggestion was half hearted at best, and he looked around at the others waiting for somebody to disagree.
Kev obliged. “If it was that bad all our comm links would be going off. We’ve still got time for another round of steaks at least while he takes that call. If we need to know about it, he’ll tell us.”
They set about getting more meat cooking and those who had emptied their beers were passed fresh ones.
Pulling the ring pull on his can open with a hiss and a small amount of foam, it was Peter who remarked to Kev, “Hey, I meant to ask. There were a few names I thought I recognized in those stories. When he was talking about ‘The Don’, was that Don Fugate, the Torrent ace from Zeon?”
Kev chuckled. “Yeah, that’s him. He was making a name for himself already when he was with us, and he first started in Torrents when he was a Hero.”
With that news the group became far more animated and questions were flying thick and fast from all quarters; So what was he like? Did you go up against him? Is he as good as they say?
Kev waved his hands in an attempt to bat down the enthusiasm and get a word in edgeways. “Ok, one at a time!” he declared loudly, then once they had simmered down he continued in more normal tones. “Yeah, he’s a good guy, generally easy going unless you manage to get up his nose. Did I go up against him? Sure, we all did. We trained and sorted out our formations against each other the same as everyone does. Just with Don it was more a case of how much you could scrape his paintwork rather than actually doing some damage.”
Peter beat the rabble to the next set of questions by a hairsbreadth. “He’s really that good? Could any of you beat him?”
Kev shrugged in a matter of fact manner. ”Oh sure, I mean this was before he had enough skill to use the really big mechs… The Colonel could hold his own. Fuller, Chong and Big Col were out of his league. It was the rest of us that had the problems.”
“So none of the rest of you could take him?” asked Mike, his eyes intent, glancing around at the Heroes who would have been around at that time.
“No,” Kev shook his head, then frowned and added, “Well, actually that’s not quite true. The Retherfords were still with us then, and they could go toe to toe with him. And Mac beat him.”
People choked on beer and gasped in disbelief and once more the clearing was in uproar.
“You’re Kidding!” declared Pete.
“No Way!” exclaimed Pete.
“He beat the Torrent Ace?” demanded Mike.
Even Gampy Bob looked dubious. “Do tell youngster… We didn’t hear anything about it down in H2, and we generally managed to get hold of most of the gossip thanks to the Retherford clones.”
Kev chuckled and lent forward to stir the coals with a stick. “Yeah he did. Just once, and it was the only full on honor duel they ever had so it was pretty heavy stuff, but Mac took him. Promised to keep it secret too afterwards, but hey, I’m not Mac and I didn’t promise.” He glanced over at Gampy Bob. “Probably why you didn’t hear about it.”
Gampy Bob crossed his arms and leaned back. “So how the hell did he do it?” he demanded.
Kev laughed wryly and shook his head. “The thing to remember about Mac,” he said, “is that he doesn’t play fair. I mean, he doesn’t cheat, but he’ll take any advantage he can and even more that you can’t even dream of. Not just hardware, but he can get inside your head… that’s what he did with Don.”
He put the stick to one side and shifted his buttocks into a more comfortable position on the ground. “It was back around the time of the Specialist wars. We’d just taken gold and there was still a lot of discontent in the pilot community about being forced to fight against specialists instead of just fielding the best mechs you possibly could. The Don was firmly in the heavy camp, where Mac was very much pro specialist. It started off with Mac going on and on about how brilliant Red Ants were and how everyone should get some. Don said no thanks, he’d stick with his Torrents. Then Mac said it was probably just as well, since a Red Ant would only make Don’s ass look big, but Don let that one slide too. Like I said, he was pretty easy going.”
Kev twisted his face into an ironic expression before continuing. “The thing is that once he sets his mind to it, Mac can make a saint swear and Don is a lot of things but a saint isn’t one of them. There was a lot of snide comments to start with, but Don just kept saying that if he did get Ants, he would wipe the floor with Mac because his weapons were far better quality.”
“So Mac escalated things even more. He started getting drunk with the Retherfords, then would load up some Ants with potato cannons, break into Dons hanger and start firing potatoes at his Torrents. Of course that set off all the alarms, the Torrents auto defense protocols would kick in, they’d shoot the place up and Don would get woken up and have to come and clean up the mess.”
“The third night Mac pulled that stunt, the Don just lost it completely. He went out and got himself a couple of dozen Red Ants, stripped all the weapons off his Torrents and the rest of his heavies, loaded up the Ants and marched them out onto the honor field. He called Mac out.”
Kev paused and smiled at the memory. “So Mac turned up with his own Ants and proceeded to hand Don his ass on a plate. Don ended up just sitting there in the middle of the honour field surrounded by a couple hundred ton of Red Ant scrap. He couldn’t believe it. It took about five minutes, then he just burst out laughing… seriously, we thought he was going to either wet himself or do himself an injury.”
The audience looked skeptical. They were well aware of the Zeon reputation in general and all had at some stage in their career been on the receiving end of the amount of niode weaponry the likes of which their pilots were reputed to pack. It was Stan that asked the obvious question.
“So what was the story then?”
“Simple answer,” snorted Kev. “Mac had wound him up so bad that all he was concentrating on was getting Ants on the field with the biggest weapons he could get. He’d completely forgotten about other systems, so he’d been running with stock engines and stock chassis. Not even a cup holder in the cockpit. So even though his weapons were twice as powerful as anything Mac had, Mac was firing twice as fast, with greater accuracy and when Don did get a shot off, most of the time Mac was dodging it.”
He scanned the faces of the others, resting for a few brief seconds on the newer members of the clan to let the cautionary tale sink in.
“Mac had baited the Legend into losing his cool, and Don ended up making a stupid rookie mistake.” Then he straightened and carried on in a more matter of fact tone. “Of course they had a rematch later and Don came out on top, but by that time it was just a training run. But, meh, too late. The Don had been beaten. Just goes to show that even legends can have a bad day at the office.”
Just then the ambient noise of the jungle was interrupted with the rustle and footfalls of somebody approaching. The pilots stared in silence as Mac returned and moved from the undergrowth into the fire’s dim glow. He stopped at the edge of the light and took in the fact that all eyes were on him.
“What?” he scowled as he held his hands open to invite an answer. “You’re all looking at me as if I’ve just said that I got paid more than the cost of a liquid torch for a job on Novum Dolorum. Or something else equally impossible.”
Kev tried to put on his most innocent smile and failed miserably. “Nope, just chewing the fat and waiting to see what the General wanted. Anything we need to worry about?”
Mac narrowed his eyes, but let the obvious lie go… at least for the time being.
“Worry? No. We do need to get back to barracks though, and that’s on the complete understanding that as far as Fuller is concerned I have neither seen you, nor do I know where you all currently are, even though most of you are apparently AWOL from barracks and snuck out here without disabling your location transponders. Fuller’s about to ship us to a larger base. We’re expanding…”
Submitted by David McCallum # 701548
Monday, April 13, 2015
Grease Monkey "Monk" Malone's Shop Talk Article Three: This End Towards Enemy By Ron Frye #879655
Monk here again, with a special last minute tip before the big dust up this week. A recent issue with a pilot over in the Brotherhood of the East, has sent up a red flag on weapon safety battalion wide. I am going to make this short and sweet, 'cause this ain't no laughing matter, so, here goes.
If you manage to seduce a local hotty, whether they be male or female, and you lure them back to the post, stay away from the hanger. The hanger is not a place for extra curricular relationships of the physical kind.
Now, what I am trying to say here..............you know..........screw this....I am just going to say this. I am going to say it once, and only once. After that, I am not going to bother ever saying it again. If you don't listen to this word of advice.....nah....scratch that. If you don't listen to this ORDER, then it's all on you, Sport.
DO NOT HAVE SEX IN THE BARREL OF A LOADED RAIL GUN!
I spent 12 hours cleaning up the stains and I have no desire to repeat that exercise.
'Nuff said.
Oh, by the way, Brotherhood East is now interviewing applicants for a recently opened position as a mecha pilot. See Captain Franklin Haycock for details.
Cheers,
Monkey "Monk" Malone
Submitted by Ron Frye # 879655
If you manage to seduce a local hotty, whether they be male or female, and you lure them back to the post, stay away from the hanger. The hanger is not a place for extra curricular relationships of the physical kind.
Now, what I am trying to say here..............you know..........screw this....I am just going to say this. I am going to say it once, and only once. After that, I am not going to bother ever saying it again. If you don't listen to this word of advice.....nah....scratch that. If you don't listen to this ORDER, then it's all on you, Sport.
DO NOT HAVE SEX IN THE BARREL OF A LOADED RAIL GUN!
I spent 12 hours cleaning up the stains and I have no desire to repeat that exercise.
'Nuff said.
Oh, by the way, Brotherhood East is now interviewing applicants for a recently opened position as a mecha pilot. See Captain Franklin Haycock for details.
Cheers,
Monkey "Monk" Malone
Submitted by Ron Frye # 879655
Grease Monkey "Monk" Malone's Shop Talk Article Two: Cockpit Sanitation By Ron Frye#879655
Monk here again. Sean Collin asked me to do a special briefing on cockpit sanitation, due to a series of incidents the past few weeks. Apparently, SOME people are not cleaning up after themselves in their work areas. I have been seeing some seriously gross cockpits lately myself. I ain't talking about cigarette butts and coffee cups here you know. I'm talking about moldy Chinese take out containers, girl friends panties hanging on heads up display consoles, pee bottles, and a stench that would knock the socks off a Sagittarian Shoat farmer.
Alright, now look, I am a mecha mechanic. Hygiene ain't exactly one of my highest priorities, but come on! First of all, it's just plain nasty. Second of all, have some mercy on the rest of us that have to go in there after you're done. But, most of all, when your actions risk your life, the life of your team mates, and even more importantly, the value of a 15 billion credit mecha, then I got to say something!
When you leave objects lying around the cockpit, you run some serious risks. Once the rounds start flying, so do all those loose items in your cabin!
Example; last week, Pat Willis, was fighting one of those mercenaries from over in the victor quadrant, that signed up to fight for those completely mental German clones. Well, he's fighting this guy, when suddenly his opponents mecha stopped dead cold, did a back flip, then punched itself in the driver's compartment, killing the mecha pilot and emotionally traumatizing Pat for life. Apparently the pilot had been leaving the remains of his lunches laying around the place, and when he deployed out he just shoved them out of his way and left them on the floor. A banana peal slid under his foot actuators, causing them to leap uncontrollably and a beer bottle smashed into his arm sling and sent the fist smashing right into his big fat puss!
Lesson learned. Clean up your shit or you just might wind up on the slab down at county general. Pick it up or pack it up, this ain't the Hilton and I ain't your maid! Cheers!
Submitted by Ron Frye#879655
Alright, now look, I am a mecha mechanic. Hygiene ain't exactly one of my highest priorities, but come on! First of all, it's just plain nasty. Second of all, have some mercy on the rest of us that have to go in there after you're done. But, most of all, when your actions risk your life, the life of your team mates, and even more importantly, the value of a 15 billion credit mecha, then I got to say something!
When you leave objects lying around the cockpit, you run some serious risks. Once the rounds start flying, so do all those loose items in your cabin!
Example; last week, Pat Willis, was fighting one of those mercenaries from over in the victor quadrant, that signed up to fight for those completely mental German clones. Well, he's fighting this guy, when suddenly his opponents mecha stopped dead cold, did a back flip, then punched itself in the driver's compartment, killing the mecha pilot and emotionally traumatizing Pat for life. Apparently the pilot had been leaving the remains of his lunches laying around the place, and when he deployed out he just shoved them out of his way and left them on the floor. A banana peal slid under his foot actuators, causing them to leap uncontrollably and a beer bottle smashed into his arm sling and sent the fist smashing right into his big fat puss!
Lesson learned. Clean up your shit or you just might wind up on the slab down at county general. Pick it up or pack it up, this ain't the Hilton and I ain't your maid! Cheers!
Submitted by Ron Frye#879655
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Grease Monkey Malone's Shop Talk Article One: Red Ant Safety By Ron Frye #879655
Yo! Patrick Malone here, better known as Grease Monkey Malone or Monk. I do the shop work on Sean Collin McFae's Mechas in the Ron Frye stables. Couple good guys, buddies of mine, they're members of the Brotherhood Merc' Mecha Battalion. Anyway, they asked me to do a series of articles for them about care, maintenance, safety, etc. for mecha pilots. So, I said, "What the hell. I ain't got nothin' better to do with my spare time, except drink and wench, and this is cheaper and healthier." To be perfectly honest, I was gettin' a bit tired of waking up with hangovers and medical issues that usually involved my more sensitive anatomy, if you get my drift. Well, guess I better stop rambling into this damn dicto-phone and actually say something about Mecha care!
Lets see. This time lets talk about Red Ant safety. Listen up you robot jockeys, I know you get used to stomping around in those BFM's, smashing up baby bots and sucking up rounds from those big ol' projectile weapons like they were gnats nipping on your ears! So, when you get assigned to drive a Red Ant, you kind of forget you aren't wrapped in 95 tons of battle ship armor anymore!
Well! Let me tell you, Red Ants may be fast, they may be fun, and they may be super responsive, but lads and lasses, the little buggers are SQUISHY!!! If you go head to head with Oggun in a Red Ant, unless you got that little bugger modified beyond all recognition, odds are you going to go Boom! Before you take that Mecha out of the hanger, make sure you know what mod's and updates are in it!
Now, a really jazzed up Red Ant that's been on the field for a long time and has tons of armor, weapon and gear upgrades installed in it can really own! But, if you go jumping into a fresh Red Ant straight off the assembly line with nothing in it but a factory issue set of lasers and some crap communication gear, you damn well better remember to use it as a scout Mecha and not a fracking battle bot! Besides, Red Ants are SUPPOSED to be scouts anyway!
So, I think I just about finished this sermon. Let me just sum up by saying, know your mecha before you drive it. A lazy driver who doesn't research his ride is cockpit burger in the making. Cheers!
Submitted by Ron Frye #879655
Lets see. This time lets talk about Red Ant safety. Listen up you robot jockeys, I know you get used to stomping around in those BFM's, smashing up baby bots and sucking up rounds from those big ol' projectile weapons like they were gnats nipping on your ears! So, when you get assigned to drive a Red Ant, you kind of forget you aren't wrapped in 95 tons of battle ship armor anymore!
Well! Let me tell you, Red Ants may be fast, they may be fun, and they may be super responsive, but lads and lasses, the little buggers are SQUISHY!!! If you go head to head with Oggun in a Red Ant, unless you got that little bugger modified beyond all recognition, odds are you going to go Boom! Before you take that Mecha out of the hanger, make sure you know what mod's and updates are in it!
Now, a really jazzed up Red Ant that's been on the field for a long time and has tons of armor, weapon and gear upgrades installed in it can really own! But, if you go jumping into a fresh Red Ant straight off the assembly line with nothing in it but a factory issue set of lasers and some crap communication gear, you damn well better remember to use it as a scout Mecha and not a fracking battle bot! Besides, Red Ants are SUPPOSED to be scouts anyway!
So, I think I just about finished this sermon. Let me just sum up by saying, know your mecha before you drive it. A lazy driver who doesn't research his ride is cockpit burger in the making. Cheers!
Submitted by Ron Frye #879655
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