Crappy 8-bit theme
music starts playing while images showing various clan logos, mechs in action
and famous places around the galaxy fade in and out on the screen and then it
fades to black after the photo reel is done. After a dramatic rise in tension
from the theme music the show title fades in. The camera tightens in on a
shadowy figure outlined from a soft glow from some back lights. The house
lights come up and the figure is revealed to be a man of middle age in suit
that was in fashion last decade.
John Ringo: “Hello and welcome to Galaxy Talk. I am your
host, John Ringo. Tonight, our panel will take a look at one of the most important
weapons for mech pilots just starting out. The Force Ion Beam is a niode weapon
and the factory specs and it’s cost you can find displayed on the upper left
corner of your screen. Now let’s turn to General Stryker for his analysis.
General?”
General Stryker: “Thanks John. Now for this demonstration we
have the Force Ion Beam installed on a Red Ant and we have an Anzu with Viper
Lasers for the target. Both mechs have no equipment installed.”
John Ringo: “Ah I thought we were just going to have a lab
test of this weapon General?”
General Stryker: “This is the only way to properly test a
weapon John. Get it out in the field for combat conditions. It is more fun this
way as well.”
John Ringo: “Ok you are the expert. Roll tape please.”
The Red Ant and Anzu
start on opposite sides of the testing range. They begin to maneuver towards each
other using the terrain to its best advantage. As they engage each other the
Anzu is using its speed advantage to avoid most of the fire from the Red Ant.
After the Red Ant scores a few hits the Anzu starts to look sluggish and
clumsy. The Red Ant presses its advantage and the Anzu pilot ejects in his
escape pod. The Anzu then explodes in a violent, multi-color display of
flame and metal fragments.
General Stryker: “Hot damn I love my job! Now that was a
great demonstration of why this weapon is very powerful to a pilot just
starting out. This weapon has a Slow effect built in and as you saw the Red Ant
was able to hang in there and after connecting a few times the enemy was slowed
down enough to be an easy kill.”
John Ringo: “Thank you General that was exciting. Now this
weapon is special for another reason. Those who are lucky enough to be chosen
as test subjects can watch video ads and earn a Force Ion Beam for each ad they
watch. This can help a new pilot get the upper hand against their foes in
combat and veteran pilots can sell them to any weapons dealer for a niode each.
The producers have had Chuck in the studio next door watching ads for the last
full day to help pay for this shows production costs. Let’s cut to Chuck and
see how he is doing.”
Chuck is sitting in a
chair. There are 12 monitors arrayed in a 45 degree arc in front of him playing
a different ad on each screen. His eyes are glazed over and his limbs are
twitching in a random and spastic pattern. He starts to speak in a giddy,
sing-song voice.
Chuck: “Hatoraide, Harotaide. Drink it down and feel the
rage! Hehehehehehehehehe”
John Ringo: “Well that is unfortunate. On that bombshell
thanks for watching. Goodnight!”
The crummy theme music
starts playing as the camera pulls back and the screen slowly fades to black.
Submitted By John Ringo #899287