Monk's Shop Talk by Monk Malone/Ron Frye #879655

Ok, boys and girls, it's time for another heart to heart. I've been on sabbatical for the last few weeks due an aggravated injury sustained in the Brotherhood's mecha hangers. I ain't @#$%@#$ or anything, just explaining my prolonged absence. I haven't had a chance to catch up on all the emails and messages piled on my desk either, but my editor has just informed me that if I do not produce an article before tonight's print cut-off, then I AM the one getting cut-off; and it sure ain't my print he's aiming those tin snips at! Now I puzzled to myself for a good little bit about what I should do a write up on, and as I stared at my cast, I had a stroke of inspiration...or it might have been my med's kicking in....not sure which. Anyway, here goes....

MONK'S TOP TEN SAFETY TIPS IN THE MECHA REPAIR BAY

10. Always wash your hands before and after using the toilet (my cousin Padder forgot to wash up before taking a leak once after handling a rack of thermite missiles....they found his genitals three blocks away)

9. Just being shiny does not mean you can eat it

8. Never use an incendiary device for a practical joke.....it's all fun and games until someone loses a lung

7. Stop using projectile launch tubes for trash disposal.....you may think it's funny, but would you want someone to shoot YOU with a moldy sandwich?

6. NEVER use an ice attack based weapon as a beer cooler

5. NEVER use a flame thrower to cook a burrito

4. Ramen noodles are NOT an essential corporate monthly expense

3. Keep your bodily fluids to private and to your self......I refuse to elaborate on this one

2. Everyone likes classic SyFy movies from the 20th and 21st century, but that does not make it ok to reenact the light saber duels from the Star Wars movies in the repair bay using Duboce lasers

1. Just because it is called a cockpit does not mean you HAVE to have sex in it....if you need this one explained to you, then it will never apply to you

And that is the end of another Monk's Shop Talk.

Cheers, slainte, cia, etc etc etc.....Monk.

Submitted by Sgt Ron Frye #879655