Surprise! Hangover By Kenneth Hicks ID# 846092

Blackness…

Fuzzy Blackness…

Fuzzy Blackness with a hint of… of… is that sweat socks?

Carlos cracked open his left eye, but that helped absolutely zilch. Worse yet, whatever was fuzzy causing the blackness seemed to cling slightly to the gumminess of his eyeball.

“Eeerurrrgh…”

 Thrashing about seemed to clear his senses a titch, but the fuzzy blackness persisted. Great googily moppet, what the hell happened?

Reaching up, Carlos finally managed to extricate himself from what seemed to be a protective helmet fashioned out of knotted socks.

Not only that, but someone had gone the extra mile and fashioned a harness out of ductape to help keep the sock helmet from coming off. Frack.

Okay man, think. What the hell happened? Let’s see. It was the Porktober celebration down on Novum Delorum and he had been hanging out with Rufus playing full contact whist while doing shots of Ambershard Squeezins’.

It had been a long and grueling summer, getting vaccine to all of the colonies while subduing the last of the infected pilots, but the Mercenary Clans had once again saved the galaxy from years of pain and suffering.

Everyone down in Port was going nuts since Novum,  had been closed for so long, street dancing, BBQs, and general shenanigans were literally every step you could take, as the scores of weary pilots got in one good hurrah before having to get ready for Clan Wars.

Carlos was finally able to see and found that he was one of a handful of passed out revelers, sleeping on what appeared to be the storage bay underneath the flight deck of the Grand Dragon Drop Ship.

Phew. At least he didn’t have far to go. Okay Carlos, pull it together, get to your bunk, catch a shower, some breakfast, and start getting gear stowed for, wait… why’s the floor vibrating…

As the Drop Ship started rising up, Carlos could feel his eyeballs being pulled back into his body and out his nethers. Not being anywhere near a Gee couch, he laid on the floor trying not to vomit on himself.

The amount of gravities that are created by a ship of this size when it has to break the planet’s gravity well is truly amazing. So much so, that sane and usually sober passenger tend to buckle up into what are called Gee couches. Carlos was unfortunately neither sane nor sober at the moment and it was making this an extra special kind of hell.

Speaking of hell, why the hell were they leaving planet so soon? They weren’t due to leave for another three weeks!

Once they’d made it clear of the planet’s atmosphere, Carlos set out to find some answers. As he looked around, he realized he was luckier than most of his fellow squatters, who were all covered in their own sick and bodily fluids from the launch.

In the Hallway, he found Ken Nickell who was carrying a clip board and looking dutifully efficient.

“Ken! By the Prophet’s pits, what the frack is the meaning for making a jump so blasted early?”

“Hadn’t you heard? Novum experienced a slight anomaly.”
“No I hadn’t heard, I just woke up strapped into a sock helmet! What anomaly?”

<snort> “Oh yeah, you were running around with that thing trying to get people to head-butt you yelling you were Buffalo Bob, or Mammoth Jack or something. Fun stuff, Hehehe”

“Dej dej jest shut up about that for a second and tell me. What. Anomaly…”

“Oh! Well, you remember how it was the start of the Porktober Fest celebration last night? Well surprise! Its 3311 now. Seems time sort of shifted on us.”

“The hell you say…”

“Yep! And as a matter of fact, we need your help getting ammo brought up and loaded as we’re almost later for the start of Clan Wars.”

Carlos rubbed his eyes, sighed long and loud, then punched Ken right in the shoulder knocking him off balance.

“That’s for ductaping that thing to me last night. Now excuse me, it seems there’s some ammo that needs loading.”

Clan Logo - Nova Dragons By Kenneth Hicks ID#846092

Have You Seen the Paintjob on That? by David McCallum #701548

So yes, stuff and things have happened...


Lets have a quick recap.


We saved the galaxy (again), this time by being nice to people rather than killing them... who'd have thought, eh?

As a result, a lot of us came out like absolute bandits and all of us gained a tolerance to various drug like substances.


The gates went dodgy, the gates got fixed, AM arrived at Vupa and the local response forces both there and at Novum lost a lot of collective ability.


Time went a bit wibbly wobbly for a while, but it sort of stabilised.


Oh, and of course we got a hint that there's a new mech on the horizon, in most probability the fire counterpart to the Boreas.


We know it's called the Notos, and the name certainly implies fire, and there have been rumours for a little while that the Novum facilities have been working on another fire mech... but other than that, everything is speculation.


The promo pictures certainly give it a very distinctive colour scheme, provided of course that you are going for a camouflage pattern that would hide it in a large pile of tissue paper that had been used to clean up a tomato ketchup spill.


I personally am not a fire expert, so I needed a second opinion. And since I wouldn't trust either Pat or Kenneth with the combustibles contained within a Christmas Cracker, I had to check in with some of my own sources to see if they could make sense of the available intel.


Thankfully the Heroes have their own resident pyromaniac, and I managed to get him away from the petroleum based liquids and eventually pried the box of matches from his quivering fingers.


His eyes did glaze over at that point, however they came back to life when I shoved the new promo poster for the latest Clan War event under his nose and started explaining about the new mech.


Unfortunately it appears he grabbed the poster and went off to have some sort of private moment, so equally unfortunately I'm still none the wiser than the rest of you.

Submitted by David McCallum #701548

The Clan War That Never Was… F.J. Brosenne #885020

Following the Clan Wars of 3310, the Gorax Plague spread like wildfire throughout the gated galaxy. No realm was spared from the infection. As the clans mounted assaults against the Gorax’s armies of mecha and monsters to destroy the source of the plague, several of the great galactic empires and corporations banded together to find a cure to the curious virus. While the clans were successful in defeating Gorax’s hoards early in 3311, the cure was a proving to be a more elusive prey.


By mid-3311, a cure was finally discovered and mass production started immediately. The next crisis was how to deliver the vaccinations to the entire populated galaxy connected by the gateways. Most governments were largely shut down due to the plague having incapacitated their population. Things were looking bleak as the effort of finding the cure was looking to be in vain without the ability to distribute it.


The Craftsmen offered a solution; they would postpone the 3311 Clan War Tournament, freeing up the independent clans to deliver the cure to all of gate colonized space in the galaxy. Afterall, what good was a tournament if no one was going to be able to watch the broadcasts?


Many of the clansmen found great wealth in the offerings of thanks from the beleaguered colonies, securing new mecha, crystals, ferrite, bioptics and other items to assist them in their endeavors. Some clansmen were unfortunate to draw the colonies and outposts that could only offer little in reward. While there were some unscrupulous clans who used the cure as a means to extort the population centers, most clansmen were satisfied with being able to help out regardless of the rewards. Overall, the clans benefited greatly from the aid missions, many securing new contracts with colonies they didn’t even know existed.


Crisis averted, the Craftsmen announced Clan Wars 3312, which would begin in late 3311 and end in early 3312. Clan Wars 3311 would never be.

Submitted by F.J. Brosenne #885020

Penance Iris Weapon Review By Pat Willis#224534

I got this as a raid reward and haven't seen it in the shop lately, so no real information on price, availability, or restrictions. What I do know is it is a niode based laser, it has a straight damage of 55, a speed of 101,also it has the abilities of x2 damage at 8%, and a Precision of [7].

Doesn't seem to be a bad little weapon really, decent speed, decent damage an above average precision rating for such a weapon, and the X2 damage is pretty nice. Couple that with a mecha that can run X2, and additional laser damage and you could have a serious weapon on your hands. As always mecha build stats, equipment load out, and skill point allocation will all factor in to the final performance of this weapon for you. Should you happen to come across one, equip it take it for a spin and see how you like it.

Submitted by Pat Willis#224534

It's Not Cool, It's Overrated : The Boreas by David McCallum #701548

Let's get a few things out of the way before I get into this review proper.


No, my air-con works perfectly... it is a regularly serviced and overhauled heavy duty unit that has to keep the air circulating simply so I can continue breathing despite Pat and Kenneth's verbal flatulence.


The second is that any mech that Patrick likes instantly becomes completely uncool on the grounds that he has no taste, unless of course he managed to get it right by complete accident and I therefore happen to agree with him as happened with the Antithesis.


But since both luminaries in the other desks of the office have decided to call me out on it, I can but respond with a more balanced view of the Boreas than the fanboys will give you.


The one thing that is glaringly obvious to anyone with an amount of skepticism when reading their oafishly exuberant exhortations is the fact that their appears to be no down side to these beasts.


Wrong!


So wrong that it should be covered in chocolate and made illegal.


The issue with the Boreas class is that they are horrendously hard to balance unless you have an almost unlimited budget. Put any kind of brakes on your spending and you are going to find yourself deficient in one or more areas, and the fact is that the basic bare Boreas build isn't all that flash. As both my compatriots have pointed out, the flexibility in the design comes from the huge amount of equipment slots. Slots that have to be filled, and filling slot means parting with hard earned or ill gotten gains.


I have piloted almost every mech there is (apart from Axebots, but you need to be a special kind of headbanger to get into one of those...), and it has to be said that I have never had such a pain in the posterior, baldness inducing, thankless task as I had when I was trying to get my first Boreas to do anything half decent in a fight.


And there is no point in putting all your coinage into one mech just to make it epic, because then the weak spot in the build simply moves to the other mechs in the line you skimped on. They get taken out, and suddenly your exorbitantly priced ultra white killer is on the receiving end of a 5 to 1 target practice session.


Which means you have to pay 5 times the cost, because you need another 4 to plug that weakness. There's a reason why clans like Zeon employ the Boreas wall, and it is from those tactics and those kind of clans that we learned to fear the Boreas, or even the Torrent before them.


And even then they aren't infallible. No, I am not in the same class as Zeon, but I can break a Boreas wall, even if at times it may take my whole formation to do it, opponent depending. How, I'm not going to tell you, but it certainly isn't by using a contra Boreas strategy.


I guess the point I'm trying to make is that a good mech, a decent mech, should be one that stands out when you go back over the replay in the way my 'Thesis do. It should be one that you are delighted to get as a raid prize like my Anubis were. It should be one that you keep in your main line for just too many levels even though they are past their prime because they are so much fun like my Smilodon's were.


So is it a decent mech?


Well, at the end of the day there is a reason why the best of the best use them, so in the right hands then yes they are. There is no denying that fact, they certainly aren't lemons.


But for the rest of us mere mortals, there are easier, better, cheaper options that can do the job without getting into the kind of resource based arms race that the big boys can afford and you are only ever going to come second at.


Like Pat, I own a number of these mechs.


There's a reason why some are still in the hanger unlevelled, passed over by other mechs that are more useful.



Submitted by David McCallum #701548

The Smart Gelpack By Kenneth Hicks Pilot ID# 846092

The Smart Gelpack is a cockpit made for the 95-100 ton mechas. Costing 811 Ferrite, 1148 Bioptics, and 55 niodes, the powers that be put a quantity limit of 40 on these beauties

.

The Gelpack works to hack opponent’s systems, then breaking down those systems to where they don’t communicate with each other (freezing up your opponent). At the same time it gives you the highest rating of precision for any equipment in the weight class.

What the hard numbers are on this piece are 10 precision, 12% freeze, 6 slow, and a 3% Ice vulnerability. With six or seven of these, you have a very interesting spec to work with.

You take a fast weapon (say projectile), shoot first with great accuracy, and then for lack of a better term, keep the opponent locked in what appears to be a mecha version of epileptic seizures while you just pour down fire until it’s smoldering.

As the Gelpacks hack into the systems, the hapless mech’s own body works against it, giving it that twitchy, teetering, uneasy motion that just begs the beginning of the end.

So if you value your mechas custom paint job that the natives gave you on Vupa 6, this little cockpit piece might just be up your alley.

Until next time, this is Ken signing off and saying “Good equipment saves your ass. Don’t waste the slots on crap.”

The Boreas Mecha – A Second Opinion By Kenneth Hicks Pilot ID# 846092

The Boreas Mecha. Ninety-five tons of freezing terror. You have some forty-two weapon slots and twenty-five equipment slots before you are done upgrading.

Pat is most certainly right in saying that the Boreas can be set up for any weapon configuration since you have so many different slots (and none of the equipment lines are really lacking, making a really well balanced set up.) So let’s look at what’s available equipment-wise to get a little feel for what we’re talking about.

At ninety-five tons, one of the arguably best crystal cockpit pieces available is the sensor array. A single one gives you 10 precision, 4% freeze, and 5% laser. A full bar gives you 70 precision, 28% freeze, and 35% laser damage. That’s from crystal.

Another cockpit crystal wonder is the Lingo for severe missile damage. Only 3 precision, but 5% splash and 6% missile damage ensures that hey, maybe precise hits are over rated. 21 precision, 35% splash and 42% missile damage make for a nasty little area of effect spec.

Niode cockpit pieces enhance precision, damage multipliers, crit-kills, and weapon damages in even more ways than the above examples, and with 7 cockpit slots to work with, that’s a whole lot of enhancement.

You’ll have six chassis slots at max upgrade, which means that for a big mecha, it can be set up to be really hard to hit, with a lot of impunity to splash, fork, and other A.O.E. damage. Just seeing one of these things bobbin’ and weavin’ on the battlefield will astonish you to the point of forgetting to shoot (almost).

Six engine slots means lots of power, you can have between 12 or 60 speed. Now that’s a spread. Several 2-3 repair point pieces, damage multipliers, dodge, weapon damage and shields gives you a huge amount of flexibility (and yes, even a 42% fire damage enhancement, Pat).

A couple engines that can really make this an efficient ice thrower are the Cold fusion engine with +7 speed, 10% ice damage and 6% freeze, and then there is my personal favorite, the Frost Reactor which brings +9 speed, +3 auto repair, 10% ice, and 8% laser to the table (one of my favorite set ups is for 7 sensor arrays and 6 Frost reactors to give you 70 precision, 88% ice damage, 83% laser, 28% freeze, 54 speed and  18 auto repair. Now you see the meaning of my earlier phrase “ninety-five tons of freezing terror.”

And lastly you’ll have 5 shield slots. One of everything, or throw in some tower shields just to show the enemy how disdainful you are about them trying to shoot at you. At either rate, pretty much every one here should know how to make due with 5 shield slots. That’s pretty straight forward.

So there you have it. The Boreas mecha. Ice, laser, missile, projectile, never dying, always dodging, stuff bouncing off of, speedy death merchant of the BMF world. I highly recommend picking yours up today. Oh, and just for fun, take a couple pot shots at David’s office, I think his AC is out.

<signing off>

Boreas Mecha Review By Pat Willis#224534

Editors note - As usual this review is based on the 4 that I currently own at level 113. Also my other editor David doesn't seem to care much for these mecha.








The basics are as follows.

	Ferrite:     17400 Bioptics:     14200 Niodes:     150 Tonnage     95 Armor Points     250 Start Weapons     10 Min Level     82 Min Heavy Skill     50 Levels/Weapon     3 Manufacturer     Alpha Corporation
	The mecha build bonuses  for this model work out to Ice Damage, Precision, 3X Damage, Slow, Trample shield, Splash shield, Laser shield, and Wide Fork. I have 6 cockpit slots, 7 chassis slots, 6 engine slots, and 5 shield slots, with 47 weapon slots. Now these mechas are ice throwers through and through although surprisingly they do not get a freeze bonus, like the Frigis or other ice throwers. The equipment slots are there to build up the freeze ability but be warned out of the gate this is great for throwing a snowball but not for stopping mecha in their tracks with ice. The equipment slots are there to toy around with many various configurations. The Boreas works equally well with both Laser, and Projectile weaponry. Hell I've even fought against successful builds equipped with Fire weapons. So it is a highly versatile mecha with regards to its weapon load out. Equip them right and you can really go to town on your opponent. These are fun mechas to play around with and dial in to exactly how you want it set up. There are plenty of weapon slots to experiment with and equipment load out isn't really a worry. You have ample slots across the board and it gives you coverage for all 5 basic weapon shield types so there should be no noticeable vulnerabilities. I like Ice throwers so naturally getting a hold of one was a no brainer. Do I like it? I own 4 so I would say it's safe to assume that yes I like these models. In my eyes they are a good versatile mecha, that can do massive ice damage, and are able to be dialed in to the players preference. Really just a win win situation. Submitted by Pat Willis#224534

Well That's Happening by David McCallum #701548

So, it's official. I am very much in love and want to Have Artemis Molly's babies.


Not only do we get the absolutely spifflicating split Delta shielding, but she has worked her charms and convinced the suppliers to give us an introduction sale on not only them but all protection systems at the same time.


Of course she may be being foxy because her main rival for the attentions of male pilot libido and newbie teen-boy fantasy Tory is locked away behind closed gates.

Not content with being a dominatrix with a chastity belt of Dwarf Star alloy material, Tory has now cloistered herself away with less contact to the outside world than your average nunnery.


Not that a lot of us would complain about Tory in a nun's costume, but I'm not sure we would want her to make a habit of it...


What we can suppose is that after Gorax has finished with the place, the face of Novum Delorum will likely never look the same. Lets hope he doesn't have a hand in redecorating the planet.


Let's face it, his mech has styling brought to you by a bulldog chewing a wasp, and his preferred
colour scheme was only ever popular on cars put out by British Leyland during the old calendar 1970s.


I've seen some of the things daubed on the walls in the men's restroom at Leander Lasalles and they have far better colour.


Bearing in mind of course the Novum is the prime centre for certain weapon types, we can only assume that the recent fire sale on combustible death dealing equipment is being used to finance the aforementioned remodeling. They should of course bear in mind that by arming us with said items they are giving us the means to burn the place to the ground in an effort to retore good taste and decor to the known galaxy.


Thankfully with the efforts of the mercenary clans, shipments of vital vaccine have reached over three quarters of known space and people are now coming out of the effects of the plague. Just guard your Doritos stash, because we are receiving reports of mass munchies riots as people come down from their post plague trip.


Of course it is possible that the recent Gorax incursion has been one very large conspiracy theory, blindsiding us to the true goings on within the Shogunate.


The fact that one of the little reported but often observed side effects of the Gorax plague has been to make those effected higher than Kenneths voice was the time time he was sucking on a helium balloon at the office party when Patricks 'accidentally' shot him in his manly bits with a taser will cause a shortage of easily accessible post bender comestibles of epic proportions.


Anyone with the most rudimentary knowledge of supply and demand could make an absolute killing... enough in fact to form a very fair sized army.


When you next see a mech squadron coming over the horizon with a tale tale trail of crumbs behind them, just remember that you heard it here first at the Galaxy Gathering.

Submitted by David McCallum #701548

Scrub Grub Equipment Review by David McCallum #701548

Love a clickathon!


Oh yes, I mean I know the plebian masses want more for free, but I'm not like that.


I admit that I certainly take umbrage when certain clan mates are constantly delivering a stim pack and feel that something should be said, but I put that down to their inate stinginess rather than any issue with the system itself.


And yes, there is much to be said about getting a mech and I do feel sorry for those who don't strike lucky in that manner.


But the thing that really excites me, the thing that makes me go 'OOOOH!' is when I get a delivery of something nice, something I've had my eye on but is maybe the wrong tonnage, the stuff that you could do with loads of but can't justify the cost because it doesn't fit in your main attack formation.


Take the Scrub Grub.


Love a Scrub Grub!


Now admittedly I got mine for free, but they would normally cost 331 Ferrite, 168 Bioptics and 19 Niodes for an engine that cranks out 19 speed. More importantly, the magnetic flux from the capacitance modules accelerates any ferrous projectile slugs to give an increase of 3 percentiles points to damage output and can cause a sideways deflection that gives an 8% chance of fork.


Comparatively speaking, and bearing in mind this is clearly Beta class mech range, its only a 5% speed decrease off the flat out Wankel Rotarys, Radiums or Gargons. And those extra little bonuses make it such a useful addition.


At lower levels damage bonuses like that are a very nice addition, but the fact is that thaose low level mechs will be with you for a lifetime as they become specialist formations.


And it is at those higher levels, in the fast hard fights of with high damage ouput weaponry when if you get hit then you are dead, that is the point when getting overlap and multiple kills becomes almost a necessity for survival. That forking weaponry could well mean the difference between victory and loss, life and death.


Just imagine a few of these on something like a Novum in a light tonnage fight.

Submitted by David McCallum #701548