I'm absolutely flabbergasted.
Never in all my life, and I can say this without a word of
doubt, has my flabber been so gasted.
I'm scanning through the offerings in 105 ton range
equipment, and I can't believe the absolute dross that the manufacturers are
trying to palm us off with.
I've seen better stuff encrusted under John Ringo's desk
(that chap has some unsavory habits, but that's just between the two of us,
alright?)
Look at this... I mean seriously...
The Intelligence Unit.
This is a shear exercise in reverse psychology if ever I
have seen it, and I've seen some things let me tell you. Including the
underside of John's desk, and neither of these things are pretty.
It's like people who get toothache, then have to use their
tongue to probe said tooth just to double check...
Or drinking a can of Irn Bru... it's just so vile, that you
can't believe it possibly could have been that bad, so around a year later, you
have to buy another can just to double check how awful it was the first time.
And you keeping doing that every year!!!
Like the aforementioned people, this unit is not
intelligent!
Lest see what they are flogging it for (and I use the term
because it's interchangeable with the suffix 'a dead horse'!)
85 Crystal, 2263 Ferrite and 1876 Bioptics; admittedly at
this kind of level it is small change. But when you look at what you are
getting, they may as well charge you a good hundy for a glass of water; a thou
just to use the public restroom.
So, what do you get?
A Slow effect of 5, 4% rolling fire (or trample as you
plebeians call it) cutting into the opposition second rank, a whopping 2% (yes,
I have my facetious voice on..) chance of a double overcharge shot, and of
course a 2% vulnerability to solid shot.
A VULNERABILITY!!!
How many times have we pilots said to suppliers not to give
us kit that gives us a bigger chance of getting shot!?!?
Oh, here you are Mr Pilot, this is the best thing since
sliced bread, it will let you win every fight, but, erm, just so you know,
there's a teeny possibility it could get you killed. One in Fifty-ish. A
statistical improbability. Don't let it worry you.
I would sigh heavily, but it doesn't come across very well
in print. OK, just imagine that I did a really big sigh. See, your imagination
shows you have more intelligence than this module.
I can only spell this out once more before I feel the need
to nail my forehead to the desk.
Listen closely all ye manufacturers of low grade and useless
equipment.
We Pilot Big Mechs.
We Want To Shoot Things.
Cockpit Equipment supposed to help us Shoot Things.
When I can borrow the wife's lipstick and draw a big cross
on my windscreen with it and get more precise shots with that than your
equipment, then You Are Doing It Wrong!!!!
Oh lord I need a drink now.
Patrick must have left a stash somewhere around here that
hasn't been raided yet...